Waltzing Mathilda

2011-01-31T18:52:00.001-05:00

Things I never thought I would say as a parent: "Don't put your sister in a bag!"

2011-01-27T20:21:00.001-05:00

Updates: Betty is about to turn one. I'm in school again taking a class about Universal Design for Learning. Tilda is awesome in her own way. Applied for another grad program in Education Leadership. 2 lbs away from my prepregnancy weight. Nothing to complain about, really.

2011-01-27T18:32:00.001-05:00

Testing out a new app...Monarch for iPad...

Camp

2010-07-20T09:10:00.002-04:00

Last time I went camping, I must have been in high school. My church group and I went kayaking on the James River. The only thing I recall about this trip is getting the worst sunburn I have ever had in my life, a giant spider crawling on my shoulder and manically whacking a giant spider with my paddle. Oh, and there was this annoying kid that we kept ramming our boat into.

Prior to that I went camping twice. Both times were beach camping, once with Girl Scouts in Puerto Rico and once in Bermuda as a class trip.

In short, my camping experience is lacking.

So I am not quite sure why I have decided to go to Floydfest this year with Tilda, my sister and my 8 year old niece. As has been well-documented, I am not fond of bugs. I am quite fond of air-conditioning. I have been disappointed with 50% of the live music shows I have been to. And I don't quite know how to camp.

So why am I doing this? Well, I promised my sister and my daughter. I hate breaking promises. We can't really afford to go on vacation this year, so we have been stuck at home all summer. I have been working my ass off all summer, thereby ruining the best thing about being a teacher.

But mainly it is because, at the ripe age of 29, I am old and stuck in my ways. I like routine. I like to know what to expect. I don't deal well with new things and I tend to shy away from new experiences. So this is precisely why I am forcing myself to do this. I don't want to be THAT person.

So I am doing research to try to figure out what I need to bring. And trying not to thing about bugs. Or how much I will miss air-conditioning.

Hold me.

The Lost Art of Blogging

2010-07-15T00:33:00.002-04:00

So...um...well...how you doin'?

Tilda has a new sister. Not as full of evil as we expected.

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that I have a terrible memory. I don't remember most of what happens to me. I have the occasional bad memory burned into my brain (like me and Mike opening our presents during our wedding reception. Seriously, didn't know any better. I know-it is appalling.) But I have forgotten lots of important things. For example, I couldn't tell you what Tilda's first word was. Or what I did yesterday. Or specifics of a vacation. Vacations are important.

I think about my grandmother who is getting more and more forgetful and mixed up and realize that is my future. And by future, I mean, like next year.

So I am resurrecting my blog because, essentially, I suck.

News that immediately comes to mind? As I mentioned, Tilda has a new sister. She thinks Tilda is a riot. This instills more fear in me than I ever thought possible (which is kinda impossible). She also just learned to roll over on her stomach but gets incredibly angry whenever it happens.

Beatrix Astrid Rose Robinson was born in the middle of the Snowpocalypse back in February. She was born on Wednesday (it snowed) and I did everything I possible could to be out of the hospital ASAP as they were predicting 20 + inches of snow to hit on Friday. Now, I had a c-section and normally they keep you at least 3 days. Then, lucky you, you get to go home in immense pain, doubled over whenever you walk.

I immediately worked on regaining feeling back in my feet (Move your big toe) and once I was up and walking, made it my mission to try to wait on myself as much as possible. The nurses were amazed at my progress but I really just didn't want to be snowbound in the hospital for over three days (since that is all my insurance would cover.) So with the doc's blessing, we went home at noon on Friday.

Storm hit at 3PM. I don't think we dug the cars out until at least Monday.

So far, she has been a fairly easy baby. She started sleeping through the night at about 4 weeks and rarely cries. She has been a little grumpier lately, but I think it is because she is teething. All in all, a good baby.

So far.

More Things I Hate About Being Pregnant

2009-12-02T23:17:00.002-05:00

11. Additional work-I am responsible for providing lesson plans for the 3 months I will be out, so I have been working overtime (unpaid, of course) to get this accomplished within the next two months. Sounds like I have a ton of time, but this involves planning for 3 months in addition to my regular planning AND trying to find time to write mid-semester exams which will be due in 4 week. Blarg.
12. Sciatic pain. Nothing like taking a step and crying out in pain in front of 20 high schools to make you feel like a spring chicken. Seriously, they think I am ancient. And since they were all born in the early 90s, I ALSO think I am ancient.
13. Nosebleeds. Little known fact about pregnancy. I wake up in the morning with them and sometimes get them at night too. They make me feel ultra-sexy, in addition to my 25 additional pounds and nice, rotund belly.
14. Impending stretch marks. I actually didn't get stretch marks with Tilda. And it's not the marks themselves that bother me. It's the feeling of stretching. Reminds me of John Carpenter's The Thing.
15. Miss Beer-sob!

Ten things I hate about being pregnant...

2009-11-30T21:39:00.004-05:00

1. My stomach feels like it is trying to engulf and escape my body at the same time. It is not a comfortable feeling.
2. Little known fact: babies practice karate in the womb. Practice starts at 11PM every night.
3. You regret seeing previously loved films.

4. Pregnancy is really for 10 months. Think about it-40 weeks/4...
5. Miss beer.
6. People who previously held intelligent conversations with you about IMPORTANT STUFF now only ask you "How are you feeling?" and then allow their eyes to wander off as you respond to the very question that three other people asked you five minutes before.
7. Babies act like they are assembling IKEA furniture with your internal organs. Trust me, kid, that nerve does NOT, I repeat, does NOT bend that way.
8. You feel permitted to indulge in food that you typically deny yourself and then hate yourself for that fourth peppermint pattie.
9. Occasionally, the baby sits on a nerve, reducing your stature to that of a paraplegic, 90-year old man. If you teach high school, you also get the added bonus of being laughed at as you clutch your back in pain and limp around the room.
10. Miss beer.

Drag Me To Hell

2009-07-13T19:18:00.002-04:00

So the trip to Ohio has come and gone. Although I would actually admit that overall it went smoother than last year, somehow it still managed to seem more awful. Probably the whole pregnancy aspect of it all.

G was surprised to see us (we hadn't told her we were coming) after the five minutes it took for her to process who we were and why we were in her house. She couldn't seem to tell ANYONE apart from one another-she routinely confused Kelly, Mom and I and the three girls due to her poor eyesight. But somehow she managed to see well enough to punch me in the stomach (thanks, G).

She seemed to be in good spirits. We took her to lunch at the oh-so-elegant-Olive-Garden where Kelly tantalized me with a delicious-looking tropical sangria. (This is after a dinner where Kelly tantalized me with a delicious looking Pineapple Martini (pineapples marinated in vodka, a most excellent idea) and the next day with a swell-looking Bass. ) We tried to converse with her at her house but her without a hearing aid and us without heavy metal concert-quality loudspeakers made it quite difficult. That and the children had decided that they did not like the way she had arranged things in her house and they wanted to do something about it.

Traveling with three small children is just tiring. While they were pretty good overall, late nights, cramped quarters, and just the issue of being children made it an exhausting trip. And convinced me that two kids might just be a horrible, horrible idea.

But hopefully Twoie will actually like me. I had known for some time now that my niece Calliope was not fond of me. She glares at me whenever I am around her. Or she scrunches up her nose and turns away. But this trip I found out that she actually HATES me. For one, she can't quite pronounce my name. This is pretty common for an almost-two-year-old of course. But while my mom gets a nickname like "Baba" and Maddy got "Dida," I ended up with "Wee-wee." Which my mother finds ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. She thought it necessary to link Clio's nickname for me with my current uncontrollable fascination with bathroom stops. For which I am currently looking for a blacklist of those really bad nursing homes where they abuse residents.

But the worst is that Clio will not trust me with her stuff. Mom and Kelly are sitting up front and I'm sitting next to Clio in the middle row. Clio wants a pacifier. I reach down to get it and hand it to her. Clio throws a fit and will not take it. Kelly (who is driving) reaches down and passes it to Clio. Clio takes it happily. Clio wants to hand something to Kelly. I offer to pass it for her. Clio cries and snatches it away. Kelly reaches her hand out. Clio struggles to reach her but passes her the object.

But the worst incident was towards the end, after Kelly had been sitting next to Clio for a while. We traded places and Clio takes one look at me, starts crying and wails "Wee-wee! Sit!" I feel like I have killed her puppy.

On this trip, I also ate way too much junk food. I used this voyage as an opportunity to act on some of the cravings I had been having and consumed fried chicken, a bowl of sausage gravy, muffins, mashed potatoes, bagels, biscuits, a multitude of lollipops, cookie ice cream sandwiches, a Blizzard and, most importantly, five White Castles. I went for days without fruit (unless you count the lollipops and the half-banana in the Blizzard). Needless to say, today I have been restricting myself to foods that can actually be found in nature without the interference of mankind. Chocolate chip cookies can be found in the wild, yes?

This may also explain why this past weekend was probably the last weekend I can get away without maternity clothes. This is possibly what I have been dreading the most (besides the absence of alcohol). I despise clothes shopping, especially when I will have to buy pieces that I can only wear for 7 months. Despite searching for stuff on Freecycle and Craigslist, I have yet to find cheap clothes so it looks like I am going to have to part with money (sigh) and buy myself some clothes.

Unfortunately, I can't really see myself making this trip again next year. This was my third year in a row, so one can't say I haven't tried. Its just that the idea of traveling with FOUR small children fills me with more dread than is humanly possible. Especially if one of those children is MY 6 month old baby (meaning I can't pass it off to someone else to take care of). So I don't know what I am going to do. Mom and Kelly are already guilting me and I am enough of a pushover that I will probably go along with it. Maybe if I get one of those roof storage things...babies like the wind in their hair, right?

The Name Game

2009-07-09T10:35:00.002-04:00

Tilda has already decided on names for Twoie. If its a girl, she wants Olivia. If its a boy, she wants Jack. She has left no room for negotiation. Apparently, we don't get to help in this decision at all.

Lunch (a cheese sub and Sun Chips) was consumed by 1017am this morning. It's gonna be one of THOSE days.

Things I Have Wanted to Eat Today

2009-07-08T11:12:00.005-04:00

chicken noodle soup
bread (warm with butter to go with chicken noodle soup)
beer
chocolate cake
cinnamon rolls
watermelon daiquiri
shrimp scampi (for some reason, my mother will not drop everything she is doing, come to my house and make this for me)
margaritas
pineapple upside down cake
toast
those nasty Keebler cookies with the fudge lines on them
jam. yep. just jam.
chocolate chip cookies
dumplings
pancakes
some sort of baked good with bananas
fried eggs
cupcakes (not chocolate)
diet ginger ale
sun tea (specifically, my G's from back in the day)
blueberry muffins
Thanksgiving dinner
white wine
spaghetti with butternut squash and bacon
cream cheese frosting
strawberry cake
smoothies
doughnut from Dunkin Donuts

yet, at the same time, nothing sounds good for dinner.

Gonna be a long 29 weeks.

Mistakes I have made....

2009-07-07T10:30:00.005-04:00

We have been spending our mornings leisurely lounging around the house. Tilda plays, watches a movie. I do some work, research on the computer. Today, I decided to play a Discovery Channel special called Conception to Birth, thinking it might help me explain to Tilda how and why she will get a baby brother OR a sister. Unfortunately, I think it has done some damage. From this, Tilda has concluded:

-all babies are skeletons (they kept showing 3D renderings of the baby's internal organs)
-Tilda herself will have two babies inside of her tomorrow
-babies come out of butts (I keep trying to correct this one to no avail)

So now I have permanently scarred the child. Oh well.

Oh(ell)i(n)o

2009-07-06T15:28:00.002-04:00

Another summer is upon us and another trip to Ohio to see my G is being discussed. Yes, my mother, my sister and her two children and myself and my kid are thinking about piling back into the Minivan of Doom and driving 20 hours in the space of 3 days. The menfolk are smart enough to stay at home.

What are we thinking? Obviously, we're not. We remember general awfulness about the last trip but our brains have apparently attempted to protect us by forgetting details. Even the little ones have forgotten most of the horror, as evident from this conversation between my 7 year old niece and my mother:

Mom: Rora, would you like to go on a road trip?
Rora: Yeah! (silence) Wait. Is that that very long trip that we took last year? When we were in the car for a long time?
Mom: Yes
Rory: (aghast and speechless)

I would reread my posting from last year's trip, but frankly I'm afraid to. All I know is that THIS time has to be much worse, mainly because of me. My bathroom schedule currently runs in 15 minute increments-Lord knows, it may take us the entire 3 days just to get there unless someone wants to give me a catheter.

Ew.

Husband meanwhile is looking forward to a weekend sans wife and child. Makes me wonder if he's going to "hike the Appalachian," iffen you know what I mean. (wink, wink)

"I'm just a mean, green mother from outer space"

2009-07-02T16:11:00.004-04:00

My garden has been woefully neglected this year. I started my seedlings late. I planted late. I have only half-heartedly attempted to weed it. All of this due to the sheer exhaustion I experienced this past semester at school. All I wanted when I got home was to plop myself in front of the TV with some sort of alcoholic beverage.

The one thing I DID accomplish this year was crop rotation. Now I know that my garden is so wee that it probably won't make much of a difference, but I figured 1) it couldn't hurt and 2) hopefully, the squash bugs that have plagued me for the past two years wouldn't be able to figure out that I moved the squash 5 feet in the opposite direction.

So I planted tomatoes and basil where I normally put squash and squash where I normally put tomatoes. Commence neglect.

I did soon notice a little squash plant popping up out of the tomato bed. I hadn't planted it, didn't know what it was, but decided to let it live and fulfill whatever usefulness it may have.

This squash plant has since grown to 4 feet in diameter. It is crowded out most of the tomatoes and all of the basil plants. I have been waiting and waiting for some sort of fruit from it so I could figure out what the heck it was. Finally, today, I spied something through the Jurassic-like leaves, reached down and picked this:

Um...I have no friggin' clue what this might be. It's greenish like a zucchini but softer like a summer squash. And the ribs...WTF?!? It's like H.R. Giger designed a vegetable.

Will this be the next thing I pluck from my garden?

So if you have a clue what it might be, drop me a line and let me know. I will probably eat it and I promise I'll post an update if I mutate into a horrible vegetable monster.

#304 On My Summer To Do List

2009-07-01T19:52:00.002-04:00

Things to accomplish by August 21, 2009:

-replace floor in computer room
-fix ceiling in computer room ('tis ugly)
-set up a wireless network
-paint computer room purple
-move Tilda into computer room (it's bigger and has more room for her crap)
-paint Tilda's old room (currently a urine-y yellowish color, but it is truly paint)
-bring crib down from attic, find (free) crib mattress
-find maternity clothes (for free)
-have some type of refrigeration
-no longer have hole in roof
-read a book (assigned by school)
-write a poem (also assigned by school. sigh.)
-finish remodeling kitchen
-clean cars
-have yard sale, sell crap
-try to convince Mike to sell more crap
-try to convince Michael to turn into David Tennant by using the powers of my mind
-knit baby blankets (one for Tilda, one for Twoie)
-finish wrist warmers for me (geeking out here)
-take Tilda to pool, ensure she has enjoyable summer
-work ass off to earn extra cash

All of this with only having about 4 hours of energy a day. Hopefully that will get better and I will stop passing out around 3PM every day.

No excuses

2009-06-28T17:05:00.003-04:00

Okay, school is finally over with (yay!) so I really have no excuses to not update my blog any more.

Not that I have anything much to report. It seems like only bad things have happened to us lately. Such as:

-refrigerator is...well, not refrigerating. The fridge is at a balmy 50 degrees and the freezer ranges between 32 and 40 degrees. Thus, our fridge is now a big empty box with nothing but bread, yeast, and condiments I am willing to risk my life and the lives of my family on (as I had to throw out a TON of food). The freezer is now the refrigerator. As you may imagine, sometimes this is hard to remember.
-there is a hole in our roof. Not a big hole, but a hole, nonetheless. Cue The Beatles...
-my ancient (read 5 years old) computer is on the fritz. It sounds like an old man hacking.
-I don't technically have a contract for the next school year (though I am told I will get one). But at this point, I am technically out of a job come August.

And then, of course, there is the incident of the spicy burrito.

One day at school a few weeks ago, I was not feeling well. Not nauseous, not sniffly, just not well. Enough that I didn't feel like eating anything. But for lunch I had a spicy burrito from the night before. I wanted it with the exact same intensity that I didn't want it.

So I ate to see if I would feel better. Didn't. Decided to use one of my sick days and headed home.

One the way home, I stopped by Target. On a whim, I picked up a pregnancy test and, because I was smugly doubtful, a bottle of wine.

Went home. Took test. Read results. Put wine in storage.

sigh.

So in addition to everything else, it looks like we will be having what Michael refers to as "Twoie" sometime around the end of January. We have to figure out how to swing repairs stated above and plan for two (!) daycare bills.

Suddenly my summer full of margaritas and pool time with Tilda has now been replaced with working my ass off to earn extra cash, rearranging the house to accommodate Twoie and, saddest of all, no margaritas. And endless hassling from my sister and brother-in-law. And both Michael's dad and my mom like to call up and whisper the one word that drives us both insane with fear-"twins."

Well I have a dr's appt tomorrow, so hopefully that will solve at least that ONE problem.

It's not that Twoie is a bad thing. It's just...unexpected.

On a lighter note...

2009-04-21T22:33:00.002-04:00

why can't my husband be David Tennant? Surely, there is a drug that can fix this...

No title...

2009-04-21T19:56:00.002-04:00

On a warm, late summer day in September last year I packed up my daughter to head to a small town north of here. I was in the process of gathering props for a zombie movie that some of the locals in the town were making. Being the cheapo I am, I posted many of our wants on our local Freecycle. Happily, one woman had offered to provide us with a good chunk of the shoes that we needed for free and I went to pick them up.

I got quite lost, but eventually found her house. It was an older and cheerful looking yellow house at the end of a street. Looked like a nice place to live and had a long porch, suitable for sitting on to watch children play in the lawn in front. It had a Christian-oriented flag in front and I wondered if I had mentioned in my Freecycle post that this was for a zombie film. Probably not...

I parked on the side of the street and I went to knock on the door. No one answered. I panicked, as I normally do in these situations, thinking I had the wrong house and imagining some horrible person would come outside to yell at me to get off of their property. This did not happen. I hung around for a few minutes more and then turned to leave. Just as I did, a car pulled up and a cheerful-looking woman popped out. I think her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and held with a baseball cap. Although I don't remember what type of car exactly, I want to say it was a mini-van because I remember seeing the silhouette of a small child around Tilda's age sitting in a car seat and two small boys peering out of the back seat through the car's sliding door.

The woman was very apologetic-she had forgotten to put the bag of clothes out for me. She mentioned it was her son's first day of school and that it had been stressful for him. She was on her way to treat them to McDonald's. She ran inside, grabbed the bag and told me to not hesitate to contact her should we need anything else for our movie. She seemed to be a nice lady. I thanked her profusely and left.

We used her shoes and clothes in the film and I actually kept a pair of her flip-flops to garden in for myself (couldn't use them for the movie-hard to run from zombies in flip-flops). They were comfy and good.

Sounds like a pointless story, I am sure. But you may have heard of this kind lady by now. You can actually find a picture of her and her children here.

So...I can't stop thinking about this. I did not "know" her and only met her once. But I've never met someone (at least to my knowledge) who ended up murdered. Murdered? I always hate it when people say this, but things like this do not happen here.

More importantly, I cannot get the image of the kids out of my head. They were too close in age to Maddy. And I can't stop pondering what the vague descriptions released by the police mean.

So...I had to share my thoughts because if I don't, they will sit and fester.

It's been a long time coming...

2009-04-16T22:44:00.002-04:00

I will be posting random updates throughout the weekend. Many Tilda stories, chocolate spa visit, a Florida adventure and random student funnies, I promise. For now though, here is a teaching update.

Teaching has gotten both better and worse. I have gotten a better grasp on where my students are in their abilities, but the range that can exist between students in a single class can be stifling. I can spend up to 3 hours planning a lesson only to watch it fall flat within the first 5 minutes of a class. But I am still enjoying the challenge although I cannot figure out how to get my energy levels back up. I guess there was a huge benefit to working at home in jammies.

Part of the lack of energy is that I sleep poorly at night at least once a week (for someone who typically requires 10 hours of sleep to feel "refreshed" this is very bad. And yes, I know I'm a whiner.) I often fret about my students, my lesson plans and other random things. I think my mind is stressing out over having to constantly be in contact with people (after two years of working at home).

Tonight I will fret about a social issue. Apparently, one of my students was deported recently. I think this story (as I have heard it) really highlights the immigration issues in this country. Being 18 years old, Student X had lived in the U.S. for a few years, brought over by the student's family as a minor from one of the war-torn and gang-ridden Central American countries. Student X was apparently kicked out of the family house due to a new "stepfather" who did not want Student X around. Student X spent some time in and out of a shelter before being kicked out of there at the ripe age of 18.

Being homeless with no papers and not a lot of support, Student X turned to some other family members in the area, who happened to be known gang members. Not the best decision certainly, but when you have intermediate language skills, no prospects and not a lot of context for that type of lifestyle, the idea might not be inexcusable.

Student X did reportedly have run-ins with police but usually worked hard in school. Student X was the best student in the program. Student X had some bad days, but overall had a goal to make a better life. Student X often mentioned wanting to go into a healthcare profession, which was no likely given their status. Despite this, this particular student did not give up.

Student X was, is, essentially still a kid. I think about my sorry self at that age and have nothing but the utmost respect for this individual, who has been through more than I can imagine.

So I guess my question is this-if a minor is brought over by a parent illegally and thrown into the public school system (by law) where they are implanted with dreams, skills and hopes but then wrenched away from their plans, what "crime" is being righted here? It's like saying that a rape victim should be tried for committing a sex act. The minors in these situations had no choice in the matter, had no choice in going to school and have no choice in going home. Yes, this particular student had committed crimes and had gotten involved with some notorious people. No, I do not condone that. But even if you dismiss this story because of that, do you think this affects the emotional development of the non-documented kids who do follow the rules and don't commit crimes? Watching your classmates disappear and not understanding why due to a lack of language skills would be traumatizing to any kid.

Don't get me wrong. I certainly do not think that people should cross the border illegally. I understand why many do, I truly do. But I do think that it is a security risk and it causes a tremendous strain on public services (being one of those who provide a public service, I feel I can safely say this.) That said, I would not be surprised if there is a large population of people in the U.S. who are in situations like the one I have described above. And I wonder if creating a generation of semi-bilingual, semi-educated people who may end up developing a disillusionment and distaste for the American system might not be a greater security risk for the nation in the future. I believe there has to be a better solution.

And just as "right to life" advocates have argued that abortion might eliminate the person that would find a cure for cancer or solve world peace, couldn't one of these kids do the same? What opportunities are we denying ourselves as a nation by rejecting hordes of children, 90% of whom want to simply get an education and do well for themselves and their families?

I am disappointed that I will not see this student in class again. As I mentioned, Student X had the most ambition and I often felt that I designed the class with Student X's goals in mind. Student X was promising. Now I have flashes of detention centers and brightly colored jumpsuits going through my mind. Student X's now-empty chair will make me wonder throughout the end of the school year what more I could have done to prepare them for what I can only assume now was an eventuality.

Inauguration Station

2009-01-21T22:35:00.002-05:00

Prior to the election, my dear husband had mentioned that, should Obama get elected, he would want to go to DC for the inauguration. Why not? It is only about an hour's drive from our house. I briefly considered the idea and then remembered a few things:

1) DC in January is cold
2) I don't like cold
3) There would probably be quite a few people there
4) I don't like a few people, let alone a LOT of people

So I told Mike that if he wanted to be a crazy person, he could do it solo. I would watch the inauguration in the cozy warmth of the inside.

As time went by (and Obama actually got elected), Michael came to his senses and decided he was going to stay home too. I was originally supposed to work on Tuesday, but quit my old job. I was supposed to work on Tuesday for my new job, but my lovely school board granted us the day off. So I found myself with some time to kill Tuesday morning prior to the swearing in and decided to go the gym.

Maybe it was the physical exertion, the extreme difference between the cold outside and the warmth inside or just plain craziness but, it seemed to me, as I was sweating away on the elliptical and lifting weights for an hour and a half, that there was an unusual uncanniness between the music playing on my Shuffle and the inauguration festivities taking place. For example:

Song: "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson
Image: The Bush "dynasty" entering their cars.
Analysis/Relevant lines"The beautiful people, the beautiful people,
It's all relative to the size of your steeple,
You can't see the forest, for the trees"
Plus, I get so angry when I dwell on the past eight years, I might as well dye my hair black and call myself Marilyn Manson

Song: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
Image: Bush (and Obama) driving down Penn Ave.
Anaylsis: Need I say more?

Song: "Numb"/"Encore" by Jay-Z/Linkin Park
Image: Obama
Analysis/Relevant lines: "Don't know what you're expecting of me...put under the pressure of walking in your shoes"

Song: "Steady as She Goes" by the Raconteurs
Image: Hillary Clinton
Analysis: 'Nuff said

Song: "Take on Me" by Aha
Image: Jimmy Carter (is he prancing?!?) down the red carpet.
Analysis: Actually, this one's just weird. Sorry. But man, he's spry.

Song: "Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)" by James
Image: Bush family again
Analysis: Pretty self-explanatory I think

Song: "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers
Image: Joe Biden
Analysis: I actually don't know what this song is really about, but it did seem fitting-does that man EVER stop smiling?

Song: "Superman" by Laslo Bane
Image: Michelle Obama and children
Analysis/Relevant lines: "I can't do this all on my own...I'm no Superman." All I can say is damn right. I think my work schedule is tough on my daughter-bless that woman for trying to keep things normal for her children.

Song: "Sunny Side of the Street" by The Pogues
Image: Obama
Analysis: Seriously-it just started playing when they flashed his face on the screen. Not making it up.

Song: "I Can't Get You Out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue
Image: Rick Warren
Analysis: Not sure there is any relevancy? Another perplexing one....

and finally I turned off the Shuffle. For one, the great Aretha Franklin came on and I knew she would be the only commentary/song analysis I would need. Second, I had to finish up on that cursed ellipitical so I could hurry home and watch the swearing in of Barack Obama, our 44th President, with my family.

And finally, there was one last song to cap the day. It consisted of Tilda singing, at the top of her lungs:

We gotta a new President!
His name's Bok Obama (sorry, she can't pronounce it yet-give her time)
We gotta a new President!

Rinse and repeat a coupla hundred times (as usual). But my, on this occasion? What a beautiful chorus it was...

Car Talk with 'Tilda & Jamee

2009-01-15T20:57:00.003-05:00

A change of jobs means I am spending a lot more time with Tilda in the car.

Call me a horrible mom, but this is NOT a good thing.

For one, she asks a question every 20 seconds. Which would be somewhat tolerable if each and every question didn't start out with:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

If you don't respond within a split second, this refrain repeats itself until you do respond. Which would be slightly tolerable if the questions were not repeats of the questions you had answered just moments before. As in:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Tilda drew that."

"Oh!"

20 seconds later...

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Tilda drew that."

"Oh!"

Rinse, wash, repeat.

I have tried to not answer her, but the cries of "Mommy!" only get louder, more obnoxious and increase in frequency. And I do feel a small twinge of guilt. I have also tried to play dumb:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Oh, I don't know." (This is, mind you, the 6th installment in the epic masterpiece that is this brilliant conversation.)

"Tilda drew it!"

All three of the above conversations tend to take place in the whole of three minutes. And then it repeats on a loop.

I escape from this 9th dimension of hell only after I drop her off at school. Then I go to my school. Where I hear "Oh, miss!" on an endless loop. Then I go to Tilda's daycare to pick her up and drive her home. By this point, she has a new artistic wonder for me to marvel at and wonder "who drew it?"

Argh.

So 3 months is bad, right?

2009-01-06T19:54:00.003-05:00

I guess it's been over 3 months since I last posted. Strangely enough, both nothing and a ton o' things have happened since my last post.

Tilda is talking up a storm and is at the stage where she repeats everything that she hears. Which means that Mike and I (but mainly me) have had to severely curb our "language" around her. Which means that life, overall, has been less fun.

It also means that Michael, who often latches onto an annoying phrase or saying from whatever form of media has currently captured his attention and repeats it until I develop the desire to clutch his throat until his face turns purple, has been teaching Tilda all sorts of things she should probably not be repeating. Like "Why...So... Serious?" Currently, her catchphrase is "EXTERMINATE!" It makes me less than happy.

T-day was great, as usual. I picked up knitting again and am currently working on armwarmers, a purse and a magnificent creation known as Scarfhat which I am convinced that, once finished, will solve all of my problems and possibly world peace. But mainly it will keep my neck warm since I got my hair cut supashort. (How short, you ask? My brother-in-law called it lesbian-esque. In case you were wondering.)

My birthday was very nice-with one exception. My sister gave me a purplish bowling ball, which I have since named Jesus. Michael gave me a t-shirt which I love. My parents took me out for a nice dinner, drinks and it snowed. The exception? My parents also gave me a gorgeous necklace made out of 2000-year old Roman glass. Which I promptly lost. I tore apart the house looking for it, but have not found it to this day. (I think I may have thrown it away.) Being the history major I am, who loves Ancient Greek & Roman history more than anything era, the idea of throwing away ancient Roman glass is killing me.

Christmas with the in-laws was very pleasant. Tilda got to be a flower girl in a wedding. She thew the petals on the aisle and apparently promptly began to clean them up. Sigh.

But I guess the most riveting development is that I quit my job, which was making me quite unhappy. Now I know that quitting a job in the middle of a bad economy was not the smartest thing I could have done. But 1) I was very unhappy (despite being well-paid and being able to work from home in my jammies 3 days a week). 2) I got another job teaching ESL at a local high school.

This past week was my first week and it was exhausting. I have no idea what my students have been learning since they have had a slew of substitutes and I am coming in mid-year. Most of them speak Spanish and snicker when I try to speak Spanish to them. On the second day, one of them taped my butt. Some of them are big and intimidating and quite a few of them are rumored to be in gangs. A small part of me is kinda dreading returning tomorrow. But I understand this is quite common. In fact, on my second day of school, I collapsed into our teacher workroom to get some planning done and ended up staring at a blank screen for 20 minutes, my brain refusing to function. Another teacher walked in the room, took one look at me and said, "Yeah-I wanted to quit my first year too."

All teachers understand.

But overall...I am happier. My only regret is not being able to work at home in my jammies. But I was SO bored. And now I feel like my brain is working again and I face new "challenges" every day. ("Challenges" translates to "students.") We are all still adjusting to our new schedules and I am sure it will get easier. And eventually, the summer will come and it will be me, Tilda, the pool and a couple of cases of Abita Strawberry Lager. Ah, bliss.

For now, I am trying to improve my Spanish, keep my head above water and am constantly checking weather.com for potential snow days. Now excuse me while I go turn my jammies inside out.

How Children Make You Stupid

2008-10-02T11:42:00.002-04:00

Having a child is the first step in the process of becoming senile.

It starts when they are young-they will say something along the lines of "I want to watch The Li'l Nermaid!"

So you refer to the movie as "The Little Nermaid" to humor the little bugger for days, weeks, months, etc...You feel stupid, but you should cherish these moments, right?

Then one day you offer to put "The Little Nermaid" in the DVD player only to be told-"No, mommy. It's "Little Mer-maid."

Or you feel bad that you have to wake the little bugger up early to get ready for school. So you carry her, sleepy-eyed, downstairs in her favorite blanket (WALL-E). When she wakes up some more, she chews you out because "the WALL-E blanket should be in the WALL-E bed!"

So you begin to feel stupid, useless and empty.

I am assuming it's only downhill from here.

Happy Hallo-meme

2008-10-01T20:53:00.002-04:00

So, around this time of year we start seeing Top Horror Movie Lists i.e. Top 100 Scariest Movies, Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments. You can actually find a stangely enlightened list from Moviefone (of all places) here.

I also have seemingly forever had a goal that I would spend each day of October watching a horror movie. Of course, I never do it. Because I kinda have somewhat of a life. But my major retirement goal is to accomplish this one task.

But what would I watch? I love horror movies of all types-subtle and gory, funny and definitelynotfunny, old and new, so there is no one qualifier.

So I have devised a list of 31 horror films that would comprise my month o' horror and I invite you to do the same on your own blogs. These don't need to be the scariest, goriest, or anythingest films-just the top 31 movies that would get you in the Halloween mood.

These are not listed in any particular order although most appear alphabetically because that's how Michael orders his DVDs-

1-Alien
2-The Mist
3-Nosferatu (org.)
4-An American Werewolf in London
5-Dawn of the Dead (org.)
6-Dawn of the Dead (remake)
7-Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
8-The Descent
9-Dracula (w/ Bela)
10-The Dark Knight
11-Carnival of Souls
12-Army of Darkness
13-The Exorcist
14-The Fly
15-The Last House on the Left
16-Freaks
17-Nightmare on Elm Street
18-A History of Violence
19-The Invisible Man (org.)
20-Mystery of Rampo
21-Night of the Living Dead (org.)
22-The Shining
23-Psycho
24-Evil Dead 2
25-Se7en
26-Shaun of the Dead
27-Terminator
28-The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
29-There Will be Blood
30-The Thing
31-Young Frankenstein

Notable Mentions-These didn't quite make it but deserve a shout out
Jaws
Open Water (notice the shark motif?)
The Omen-not because it is scary, but because it led to our first child. Out of boredom. Scariest thing I can think of.

Ketchup & Musings

2008-09-30T23:50:00.003-04:00

It's been over two weeks since I posted anything. I've been pretty much glued to the radio and Internet regarding the "credit crisis" and the financial bailout, partially because I have an overwhelmingly nerdy interest in the subject and partially because I am trying to explain the enormity of it to my ESL students.

Here's what really bugs me about it and I am hoping someone will eventually explain it to me-since when is it sound policy to operate an entire economy on credit?

Since I truly don't want to sound bias in this analysis, I have to admit that I paid no attention to politics until 2001 when I moved to the Washington D.C. area and had to listen to a 24-hour news station in order to receive constant traffic alerts during my 4o-90 minute commute. So I've really only paid attention since Bush has been in office. But I do not understand why the only economic advice we were given since 9/11 was to go out and spend money-I understand that spending money can help the economy, but it helps no one if you don't actually have the money to spend.

It seems as if this policy filtered up (or down?) throughout the entire government. We have a huge deficit. Whereas we should have invested the surplus left by the Clinton administration into new technologies and innovations which would have kept as a world leader, we blew it, just like a college kid blows their credit as soon as they walk onto campus and get handed a piece of plastic and a lousy cotton t-shirt. Wars, tax rebates, etc...where has it gone?

If you don't have the money to buy something, don't buy it. There. It's pretty simple.

Wanna buy a house? Buy what you can afford. Can't? Then don't buy.

Can't pay off the credit card bill every month? Then don't use a credit card. Why owe interest on pizza you ate 2 weeks ago?

I see this more in my own generation/middle-class group, simply because those people are the ones who surround me. We have a desire to carry on the lives we had while we lived with our parents. We want the house, a nice TV, DVDs, toys etc...We convince ourselves that we need new clothes and a nice car in order to impress and succeed in our jobs. We rationalize (if I buy this treadmill, I will save money on gym membership!) and justify but, in the end, all we do is "owe."

I would never say I am blameless. I jumped on the housebuyin' bandwagon in '05 and am now down $50-70,000 in equity. I love food-I like to cook, buy quality ingredients and drink fine (ahem) beverages. I cave into my husband's and daughter's sad puppy eyes when they want plastic things. I use credit cards to get points and rewards (but I try to never carry a balance).

And then there are the wants-I want to travel the world . I want a bigger house. I want a nicer car. I want my daughter to go to the best schools. I want to go to the best schools.

We can't afford these things right now. So even if we could get credit, which seems doubtful right now, we wouldn't. But what we can do is cut back on our spending and bank the savings.

I think credit has and can be used wisely but I think it will be a long time before the nation has relearned how to use credit. But before we do so, we need to own up to what we owe and pay it off. And save. And then invest-in new technology, innovation, medicine and education.

In the meantime though, as individuals and as a nation I think striving for financial independence will be the most important thing we can do for ourselves, our kids and our country.

But then again, maybe I am just an 87-year old trapped in a 27-year old body. I swear I party! Occassionally! With 3-year olds....

Old fogey, signing off...

Introducing...

2008-09-19T09:07:00.003-04:00

my new name Tank Dent Palin

Find yours here and thanks to Emily for passing this along.

Our Weekend

2008-09-14T10:03:00.007-04:00

The past two weekends have been devoted to making a zombie movie. We have been dealing with several issues, such as having our time at our location cut in half, various changes in actor schedules, equipment problems, even freaks of nature. For example, the first weekend we had to deal with a little storm called Hannah

But at least this weekend, I got to be a zombie-

Tilda was afraid of me at first, but she got over it

Chaos

2008-09-05T12:21:00.002-04:00

Can't believe it is September already. I feel like it should be early June.

With the coming of September, it seems like all Hell has broken loose. We have so much going on. I started teaching again. Initally, I was a little bummed about teaching because I never received my evaluations from last semester and I was wondering if I totally bombed. Fortunately, someone pulled them for me and I received nothing but positive reviews from my students. I was totally stoked. Then Tilda put my copy of the evals on top of some raw chicken, so I had to pitch them. Didn't want to hold onto to evals full of praise and raw chicken juices.

Tilda graduated to "real" preschool. She is pretty much potty-trained but still at the stage where "Mommy, I have to go potty!" causes me fear and a grave sense of urgency. She seems to like her new teachers, who have been teaching the kids Spanish. One day, she walked around reciting "Me llamo Mathilda." I was proud.

Her new obsession is Nightmare Before Christmas. She has watched it almost every day for the past week and a half.

Schools are back in session throughout the region, so our commute as worsened by 50% and we have to get up 1/2 hour earlier. Erg.

The zombie movie starts filming this weekend. Yup, the weekend we are supposed to get Tropical Storm Hanna droppings.

I'm trying to talk Mike into going back to school. Because life for us isn't hectic enough.

And last but not least, the 'rents are in Europe (damn them!) and I am watching their dog Chaos. Chaos is the last dog we had when I was a kid, so he's John McCain-in-dog-years-old. He only has 3 1/2 teeth, all pointing in various directions. He can't pee like a true male dog-when he tries to lift his leg, he loses his balance and topples over (I try not to laugh, but it's kinda funny. Don't worry. Instant karma's gonna get me). It takes him forever to get up from the floor and many times when I tell him to get up he just looks at me with a glance that says, "No. Really. It's not worth it."

He is also having issues with our backyard. For one, it seems as though he has a never ending desire to pee on my tomatoes. This is not really something I want to happen, so he leans towards them and I tug him away. Apparently, I am cramping his style and discouraging his peeing-mojo. The other issue is that there is a dog next door to us that barks at Chaos most of the time we take him out. For some reason, this causes anxiety for Chaos, so he won't go. It's like the space-between-a-urinal-rule, but with entire backyards.

Lastly, we have been rewatching Scrubs reruns. I am surprised how well them hold up on a second viewing.

Not good...

2008-08-31T19:50:00.001-04:00

It's probably not good when your three-year old, upon hearing the oven timer go off, yells out:

"MICHAEL! DINNER'S READY!"

and then:

"MICHAEL! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?"

and then, before he can answer:

"A BEER? OHKAY!"

and child then pulls out a beer and brings it over to her father.

No, can't imagine that is good at all.

But it sure is damn useful.

I'm Boned

2008-08-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

Knew I shoulda kept the maiden name.

Jamee & Mike's Sick and Twisted Tilda-mation

2008-08-18T20:50:00.004-04:00

So Tilda has been sick now for over a week. It came and went. One day she would just seem sniffly. The next day grumpy and tired.

Today she started tugging at her ear so we called the doc who diagnosed her with earache, impetigo, fever and general ickiness.

Since its only the second time she has had anything more than a mild cold since she was born, I can't really complain.

How do you tell when a kid is truly sick? When they refuse ice cream. I took her out for a treat since she looked so bad-chicken nuggets and french fries. She wouldn't touch them. Mom suggested ice cream since Tilda was burning up, but I had to bribe her with a carousel ride to take just one bite. The carousel ride was the first thing that made her smile all day, but it was brief.

Fortunately, two of Tilda's birthday presents were delayed and she got them today. This was the second thing that cheered her up. Of course, it was a baby doll and accompanying clothes. What did she name it? Well, she's been watching Lilo and Stitch a lot, so what do you think she named it?

That's right-Stitch.

I'm so proud o' her.

We picked up her medicine at the grocery store and I was totally not aware that they were flavoring kids medicines! It was like Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors of Penicillin. Truly, everything from Strawberry to Chocolate Banana Fudge Chip. Remarkable. How come they don't offer this to adults? I would love to have my medicine taste like ice cream. Or mojitos. Then again, if they made mojito-flavored birth control pills, the human population would be very short-lived indeed.

And what would Viagra taste like? Actually, scratch that thought. Don't want to think about it.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....

2008-08-11T18:48:00.002-04:00

It's bad enough that I lost a game of Candyland to a 3-year old a few days ago.

It's worse that today she made me play a game of Candyland with her stuffed Batman toy.

But how bad it is that I lost to the stuffed Batman toy?

Does that make me a comic book supervillain? Because I battled Batman at Candyland? I lost, but the Joker loses to Batman a lot, right? A comic book villain-that would be a little cool, wouldn't it?

Or is all hope for me lost with gumdrops and peppermint sticks?

Tildaism #23

2008-08-08T22:18:00.003-04:00

For some reason, our town has a giant tank in the middle of it. From WWI or WWII or something involving Ws and Is. It has a tankish green hue and stars painted on the back. Tilda noticed it for the first time today.

Tilda: "WOW! Mommy look at the stars. Cool!"

To my knowledge, the first time she has used this word in this manner. Impressed, amused and proud, I say: "You know what else is cool, Tilda? You are. You are the coolest kid in the world."

Tilda stares out the window blankly and unashamedly and unamused, say: "Cool."

Yum Yum Sugar

2008-08-08T22:15:00.002-04:00

The bugs strike back!

I received a massive bug bite from some unknown critter. My leg swelled up to the size of a baseball. I am NOT getting the sympathy I deserve. But here is a picture for your enjoyment.

Hold me!

2008-07-30T09:21:00.001-04:00

I'm scared.

All but three of the squash you see below was harvested this morning.

(whimper)

I think the resemblence is uncanny...

2008-07-29T21:04:00.002-04:00

Various Updates

2008-07-28T09:37:00.002-04:00

I never wrote about Day 3 on Trip from Hell. It involved making several trips to obtain many continental breakfast items and taking 4 hours to drive what should have been a 2 hour trip. Spending 40 minutes getting "fast food" from McDonalds. Having to stop at another McDonalds 30 minutes away from our final destination for a last bathroom break. Having to stop at a Wendy's 10 minutes away from our final destination to get everyone consolation Frosty's which promptly melted in the 100 degree weather, along with all of our hopes, dreams and optimism. Arriving at Mom's. Unloading. The minivan, which had been professionally cleaned only 3 days before, now made T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland look like Disney World. Kelly and I indulged in a beer with the disapproving look of our grandmother and implored my father to drive us home. He did. We did not talk to one another for several days.

Several games of Scrabble ensued.

All of this is a moot point now because G has come and left. She flew back home. First class. Wonder why.

So we have turned to other pursuits to keep us busy. My garden is flourishing and I spend much of my time scouring the Internet for uses for squash. Yesterday, Tilda & I made Ginger Zucchini Cupcakes with Ginger Icing. Yes, you read that right. No, you cannot unread it. They weren't bad...but were odd. Very odd.

I also made a terrific squash casserole. Yummiest thing I have made in a long time.

Soon I will be looking for uses for tomatoes but I have at least one idea-seeing as how Mike and a bunch of people are working on a zombie movie, I think tomatoes would make good pulpy (and tasty!) gore. Even if they don't start filming until October-green, moldy tomatoes would be even better gore, right?

It's hard to believe it will be August this week and even harder to believe October is only two months away. This year has really flown by-uncomfortably so. I have real fear that I will blink my eyes and be an 86-year old widow living in a house by myself and waiting to die. I know I will be a widow because Mike is jerky enough to die before me, I just know it.

Friday is Tilda's 3rd birthday and the prospect of being a mother to a 3 year old is not helping. I can't really call her a baby anymore (and no, I refuse to be one of those mothers who say that my child "...will always be my baby." And yes, Ma, I am referring to you!)

That said, it has been really neat to see her become so...lucid, for lack of a better word. She remembers things very clearly, is starting to develop an imagination, and she has entire conversations with me, which I can actually follow. Such as this morning when she woke up:

Me: Good morning, Tilda.
Tilda: Morning, Mama. Where's Daddy?
Me: At work.
Tilda: At Batman-movie? (she has been watching a lot of Justice League. And Mike and I have been talking non-stop about The Dark Knight.
Me: No, Daddy doesn't work at Batman movie.
Tilda: At Superman-movie?
Me: No, Daddy works in Virginia.
(Eventually, she will understand that her Daddy is not as exciting as she may have initially thought.)

We have some version of this conversation almost every morning.

So, back to birthday. I'm not any good at planning these parties. At this point, the plan is to have cake and a little wading pool set up for Tilda. She has only asked for one thing-a tricycle, and that has been taken care of. So, open presents too. Family only. I hope she will have a fun, Tilda-centric day.

We were going to do a WALL-E themed birthday but found a great deal on Batman birthday decorations, so we are going for that. She likes Batman too. And all the WALL-E stuff really sucks. Besides, she likes any movie at this point. She's definitely her father's daughter. Even right now, she is watching Peter Pan or, as she calls it "Pita Pan."

So I will be spending the next few days looking for Batman-themed appetizers and fretting about my inadequacy as a mother. If you are lucky, I won't write about it.

!!!Geek Alert!!!

2008-07-13T11:45:00.003-04:00

This is SO cool....

I am in the blue category

2008-07-07T15:08:00.001-04:00

more graph humor and song chart memes

Trip from Hell: Day 2

2008-07-06T22:20:00.002-04:00

The human mind is a glorious thing. When something affects it negatively, truly hurts it, it does everything in its power to suppress the offensive memory, to protect the integrity of the rest of the grey matter.

In other words, this blog entry should be short because I have already forgotten most of what happened on this trip.

I wake up around 7AM. One thing about family trips is that you learn something new about your relatives. I learned that once my 6-year old niece awakens, she starts talking and doesn't stop. No really.

I didn't mind so much since I didn't sleep well the night before. I had to share the bed with the 2 year old who, surprisingly, doesn't kick, but did feel the need to (in her sleep?) roll over and kiss me every hour. Also, like her father, she seems to be not content unless her arm is resting on my forehead.

So I get up, take a shower. Learn that my father called at 630AM to check in. (Smart man-he learns to anticipate the crazy lady's phone calls). Awakens my sister who has already been awakened several times by her kid.

Breakfasts 1-17. Homewood Suites by Hilton offers a complimentary hot breakfast every morning, with items like cereals, sausages, eggs, pastries, bagels, juices, etc... An excellent value for a traveling group of six, right? Well, what this also means is that we make a multitude of breakfast runs. Go down stairs-get coffees. We need more coffees than we have hands for. Solution? Fill coffee pot in room. Downstairs. Get bagels. Downstairs. Oh no-burned a bagel. Get new bagel. And danishes for kids. Downstairs. No, got one cream cheese danish and one raspberry. They both NEED cheese danishes. Downstairs. Didn't get enough creamer. Downstairs. Grab bananas for trip. Downstairs.

So we get to G's by around 10AM. I start making room for G's suitcase.

G doesn't realize she is going anywhere. Didn't pack. Thought we were leaving tomorrow.

Get G's suitcase. Pack. Straighten out medicine. Lock up. Leave.

G sits quietly throughout most of the trip. We occasionally bicker. Tom-Tom occasionally "moos."

It has been cloudy and rainy all day. Around 3PM we are in West Virginia and trying to figure out if we can make it all the way. The nearest town is Morgantown, WVA-3 hours away from where my parents live, so we can probably make it. But G is obviously tired and the DVD player has given up the ghost from overuse. We search frantically for a hotel room in Morgantown and settle into a Hampton Inn in two rooms.

We have dinner. Adults order alcohol. G, back in the hotel room, accidentally orders 10,000 BC and some porno. She was looking for the Discovery Channel.

We search for additional liquor to "take the edge off." (how desperate does that sound?) Malibu and diet coke = yummy. We drink Malibu and watch Spongebob with the kids. It's tropical, dammit.

To bed. Uncomfortable pokiness and bad dreams. Slept for about an hour.

Wake up to the sound of Rory talking. Day 3 dawns. We still live...but for how long?

No Exit

2008-07-02T23:27:00.003-04:00

So while I have already published some G-isms, I realized I have not yet recounted The Terror-our trip to Ohio. My sister did an excellent pictoral documentary of our trip to Ohio-you can find it here. Note the fear on the children's faces.

I am NOT a photographer (most of the pics I post are taken by my sister) so I will document in words.

FRIDAY:
I knew it would start and end badly when my mother informed me she would be picking me up at 7AM. As the first day I had off in a while, and the beginning of a 10-day long "vacation," one might have THOUGHT that I would be entitled to sleep in on my first day. But no, my mother decided we needed to get an early start. So I grabbed my child and loaded in the Van of Doom. We were at Kelly's by 715.

715AM:

Multiple bathroom breaks. I think we get on the road by 8. I am driving. Unhappiness settles in.

(Aside here: None of the females in our family can read, write, concentrate, think or function while in the passenger seat of a car. We all get carsick. What does this mean? Either we all have to drive at the same time (not really possible) or one person drives while the others try to make conversation, not vomit, or both at the same time. Regardless, it is a chore.)

(Second aside: Since my parents have historically had no sense of direction, they purchased a Tom-Tom GPS unit. These things are the work of Satan. They bark directions out to you and yell at you if you are going the wrong way. They also notify you if you exceed the speed limit. And if you have a maternal unit in the car as well, you get incessant whining and nagging from both units. )

810AM: We must get she-beast, my sister, caffeine before she reveals her True Self Who Shall Not Be Named. McDonald's run.

811AM: Mom calls Dad to make sure he is still alive. Whines that he has never been alone by himself in 30something years. Teasing ensues.

815AM: We are on 340 West. Tom-Tom is telling me I am speeding and Mom is gleeful that she is notified of this. Glaring ensues from both fronts.

816AM: Baby vomits. 15 minutes spent on cleaning car and calming child.

820AM: I disclose that my doctor informed me that I am at risk for detached retinas (!). In other words, my eyes can pop out if I am whacked on the back of the head. Mother and Sister find this hysterical and proceed to threaten to whack me on the back of the head.

830AM-1030AM: Back on the road. I will soon discover that much coffee and I-68 (note to future self: there are NO RESTSTOPS on I-68!!!! ) make for an unhappy Jameebladder. I become sullen and morose (no really-this is a change for me! Other passengers quiet.) Several hopeful, but wrong terms are made. This is truly Deliverance-country.

1030: Dadcheck-believe it or not, he is still alive.

1145AM: We stop at the McDonald's in Cumberland, MD, as this is the first sign of civilization in hours. Multiple bathroom stops. We bicker about who should drive. We change drivers. Desperation sets in and it has only been 3 hours.

We cross the border (into WVA?).

We cross the border again (into MD?).

We cross the border again (into WVA?). We have no idea where the hell we are. Tom-tom guides us, but we hate him.

Mom calls dad-still alive.

Meanwhile, the two eldest children begin to watch Peter Pan.

At some point we stop for lunch at a Cracker Barrel.

We continue on towards Ohio. Dread fills our hearts.

Mom calls dad-no answer. Mom pouts. (Turns out he had no signal. Whew! That was close!)

Mom discovers that she can change the warning alert that notifies her when one of her children-chauffeurs are speeding. She can do a nuclear warning sound. A chime. Or a cow's moo. What do you think she picks?

"Moo."

Children watch Peter Pan for a second time.

"Moo."

At some point near Zanesville, Ohio, we encounter a backup. An hour long backup. Due to flooding. I found this out only because I had my Blackberry on me. Apparently, the interstate had been shut down for almost 24 hours due to a lake spilling over. We look at awe at the water. We bitch at each other. We drive on.

Mom calls Dad-Surprise! Still alive.

4PM: We hit the nastiest rest stop ever. Because of the flooding (I think and hope!), only 2 stalls out of 6 are working. We wait in line in muddied floors. My child refuses to use the potty and throws a fit in front of everyone.

"Moo."

The battery on the children's DVD player begins to die. Dread fills our hearts.

"Moo."

Cincinnati. We are close now.

"Moo."

Mom calls Dad. Dad answers. Man never ceases to amaze.

7PM: We arrive at G's. According to evil Tom-Tom, we should have only taken 7 1/2 hours for our trip. The Tom-Tom exceeds in only reminding us that our insanity lengthens our madness.

We see G-she looks better than we expected. The children begin to promptly rip apart her house. She decides we should all go out for a steak dinner.

We check into our hotel at 9PM. Children are exhausted. Adults are exhausted. Baby is chipper and wide-awake. Fortunately, our heroine remembered to pack something alcoholic. Unfortunately, the fake wine-sangria she selected SUCKS. Adults try to get stoned on this nastiness while she to coerce smallest female into taking a nap.

Midnight -I check out.

(to be continued...)

G-isms

2008-07-02T12:59:00.002-04:00

Mom was trying to explain tapas bars to Grandma.

Mom: "They are called tapas-little appetizers."
Me: (to G) "I had some in Pittsburgh-they are delicious. There's a tapas bar in Frederick-we can take you, if you want."
G: (looking confounded and worried)"You want to take me to a topless bar?"

The system goes on-line June 24, 2008.

2008-06-24T21:54:00.002-04:00

So I've been gone loads of times by now. Tilda has not noticed.

Today I called home to say goodnight to Michael and asked to talk to Tilda. She was sad because "mommy was in the phone" and couldn't give her kisses. She wanted to come to Pittsburgh.

I felt like I was in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom-heart burst into flames and melted.

I NEED

2008-06-24T21:46:00.005-04:00

this shirt.

No really.

I NEED it.

You can buy it here. Come on. You know you want to.

Trapped in the (Water) Closet

2008-06-24T21:29:00.002-04:00

My husband will divorce me for posting this but:

1) this blog is supposed to be a mix of me rambling about random things and chronicling Tilda's childhood
2) I am in Pittsburgh watching America's Got Talent
3) it made me laugh my ass off

Michael called me panicky-Tilda had locked him in the bathroom downstairs. I had known for a while that the bathroom lock had been installed on the wrong side. I had also known that Tilda can manipulate the outside lock very well. Indeed, she had briefly locked me in there before too, but always immediately let me out.

Michael had to call for rescue.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So long, and thanks for all the "fish"

2008-06-23T22:40:00.002-04:00

My first introduction to you was, ashamedly, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

But you were my favorite thing about it. Even as a 10 year old.

I started watching your comedy because my dad seem to like it and we have a similar sense of humor (Blazing Saddles!). And then my husband educated me on you further.

You were brilliant.

Thanks.

(Ma, sorry for the next part. Avert your eyes if need be.)

shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits

Road Trip! (Not!)

2008-06-23T22:24:00.002-04:00

So, my poor G was hospitalized while we were in Seattle with double pneumonia. She doesn't have a good lung to begin with and she is 86 years old. We are all worried about her.

She was supposed to come visit us tomorrow, but that is not going to happen. I was really looking forward to driving home on Wednesday and seeing her. I bought her a pound of her favorite candy while in Seattle. She sounds sad on the phone. I told my mother I would do anything necessary to bring her here so we can take care of her for a few weeks-drive, fly, whatever...

What started (in my view) as an offering for me to accompany G here then grew into the idea that Mom, Dad, Tilda and I would drive to Ohio (a ten hour trip) to go get her and try to get her to come back with us. Then my sister wanted to come, but didn't think she could get the leave. Then Dad couldn't get the leave. Then he could. Then Tilda wasn't coming. Now she is. Then Kelly said she would bring Calliope and Rory. Then she wasn't. Then she was. Then I had realized I had assumed I could take off on Friday, but had not yet asked (it was no problem.)Then Dad was going to stay. Then I was confused and offered to stay home with Tilda so as not to overwhelm G. Then that was a bad idea, so now I am going.

What started out as one person coming here has now transformed into four adults traveling to Ohio, three of whom are crazy (see how I leave you out of this, Dad? That's called love.) and three children (all of whom are manipulative psychopaths) going on a 10 hour car trip to go see/kidnap G.

We went from "sitcom" to "reality show" in the course of seven hours. No really-someone needs to pay us to film this trip.

My sister and mother claim it will be "fun." An "adventure." Which shows that they have already snapped. I 'm sure I don't have far to go myself. I will qualify for the asylum before we hit W.VA (by the way, W. VA is like 2 minutes from my house.)

If life is a bowl of cherries...

2008-06-23T22:04:00.003-04:00

what am I doing in Pittsburgh?

So back from Seattle on Wednesday, off to Pittsburgh on Sunday.

I drove instead of flying and despite driving through thunderstorms and 45 minutes of being stuck in traffic (really? on a Sunday?) I am glad for it. I love road trips. I hate flying.

Plus the cheapest ticket I could find to Pittsburgh from Baltimore was $400 (really?). It was cheaper to drive. And took the same amount of time, between driving to the airport, waiting at the airport, flying, and taking a taxi.

I was not entirely excited about Pittsburgh. You have to admit, it doesn't have the best rep. And not the most enticing name. Not like SEAttle. NEW York. Even HAMpton, VA, has the promise of something tasty. But no. I am in PITTSburgh.

Of course, I am not saying anything that hasn't been said before. But I find from the cities I have visiting that there is something iconic about them, something that can fully represent what that city is about. Take New York-Lady Liberty. Washington DC-the Capitol. Seattle-Pike Place, the Space Needle. Denver-the mountains. Absolutely gorgeous. Las Vegas-the Strip.

In visiting (most) of these places, I have been fortunate enough to have great views of these icons from my hotel room. We had a view of the Space Needle from even our room at an 8-story Homewood Suites. In Vegas, I always get a view of the Strip (endless entertainment, even that.)

The view from my room in Pittsburgh?

In all seriousness, though, I expected to dislike Pittsburgh immensely. But it's alright. The people are really nice. There's a lot of interesting looking restaurants. The city has very odd architecture and some beautiful churches. It's very walkable, but weirdly laid out. It seems like it has a dirty little secret. I can get behind that.

And let's not forget the zombies.

Ketchup

2008-06-23T21:14:00.002-04:00

Alright, so I haven't blogged about much of anything lately. We went to Seattle last week-I adore Seattle. One, because everyone in my family except me is from Seattle, so I kinda (not really) feel that it comprises part of my "roots." My parents met and married in Washington State, my sister was born there and went to school there, and I guess I was a legal resident there for a number of years even though I had never stepped foot on the land there (crazy military rules). My grandfather and two aunts still live there, although I know little about them and have talked to them only a handful of times. But it feels...comfortable. And I can't say that about a lot of the cities I have been too...Charlotte, Denver, San Diego...

This was my second trip to Seattle, but the best one, since Maddy and Michael came with. As you can probably tell from my previous post, Maddy met her great-grandpa for the first time (he was the one with tattoos, in case you needed the hint) and he met his first great-grandchild. I'm glad I made the effort to go see him-conversation went stale 85% of the time, but...well, I'm just glad I did it. Not sure I have much more to say about it.

But it was so nice to go on one of these business trips with a companion! Normally, I just mindlessly walk around cities by myself, obtaining nothing but blisters and disillusionment about how these different cities somehow all seem the same (thanks, Old Navy, Gap, Best Buy...) But this time I got to be with and talk to Michael and we both had Maddy to tend to. But it was the first time that we traveled by ourselves as a family and it was...nice. Even when I worked, I had something to look forward to when I got back to my hotel room, instead of just making static-y calls to home on my cell from an empty hotel room.

And Seattle is a great town. Extremely clean and coffee on every corner. How much better can you get?

There seemed to be a lot more homeless people this time, but the last time I went was in March 2004 and it was cold and miserable. I may have buried my head in my jacket so far I didn't notice. But it was almost like San Diego. Otherwise, not much had changed. It was familiar, comfortable and the weather was brilliant.

It's not that I have anything against homeless people-it's just something I notice. Like a municipal barometer? I don't know...It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't sorta thing, isn't it?

But I think we all had a lot of fun. Maddy was excited about "seeing" " 'attle." Not sure if she ever got that we were in a place called Seattle.

We went to Pike Place Market. Several times. It's like a Disneyland of food. I swear, if I could shop there everyday for dinner, I would be the happiest person on Earth.

Some of the best beer I have ever had was in Pike Brewing Co. (family owned and operated since 1983.) We went there twice. They have a Kiltlifter Scotch Ale that is just brilliant.

Tilda only had one bad meltdown in public. But it was bad. We got through it. And then she asked for "white soup." "White soup" = clam chowder. She loves it.

We also went to the Experience Music Project (seemed less cool than I remembered) and the Science Fiction Museum (I now have a whole list of books I want to read). Michael took Maddy to the Seattle Aquarium and she convinced him to buy a stuffed starfish that she loves. He also took her to the Children's Museum. And Kung Fu Panda (practice for WALL-E).

Overall, we had great fun. Michael and Tilda flew out early by themselves and left me alone to watch America's Got Talent (see previous post). Of course, I would rather pick watching crappy reality shows than tackling a 5 hour flight with a 3 year old by myself. But Michael took it all in stride and, thankfully, Tilda slept throughout the entire flight.

"It's not TV...it's birth control"

2008-06-18T01:17:00.002-04:00

This could apply to a lot of shows, but right now NBC is using this tagline to promote their new show "The Baby Borrowers" where they lend babies to teenagers who think parenting is a breeze.

But having been cooped up in a hotel room for the past few nights, I think this could apply to other shows:

Spongebob Squarepants-because you will have to watch it-all the time.

America's Got Talent-hey, I totally applaud anyone whose got the cahones to get up in front of national television and possibly embarass themselves. Even if their act sucks-and quite a few do. But there's always the chance that your kid will grow up to be an audience member. Seriously, these bloodthirsty people are akin to the attendees of the Roman circuses.

Jon & Kate Plus 8-I had heard about this show, but didn't really know what it was about. Turns out it is about a family that had a set of twin girls, decided they loved parenting, and then deciding to have one more-they ended up with sextuplets. So now they have two 6 year olds and six (count 'em 6!) three year olds. Watching the show, I saw six Maddys running around-and it terrified me. I think we can end the sex ed debate here-forget teaching abstinence, forget teaching birth control. Just show this program and have the family tour. Lord knows, I would have become a nun.

Maddy Meets a Sailor (Pt 3)

2008-06-17T00:39:00.003-04:00

Maddy met her great-grandpa for the first time this week...

I think he was glad to see her...

Wednesdays With Tilda

2008-06-04T22:04:00.002-04:00

Conversation I had with my daughter today...

(walking up steep hill with said child on my shoulders...)
Maddy: Mommy, you very sick?
Me: Um....no. I'm fine.
Maddy: Mommy, you very old?
Me: No, I'm not old!!!!

Speaking of which, for people who are fans of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends and those who are bored at work (I believe that covers everyone in the world), check this link out. Much fun.

The Meadow Party Platform

2008-06-03T23:12:00.002-04:00

And now for some deep, political insight.

First off, let me state that I consider myself an independent. I always thought that I would be able to vote for either party, depending on who I thought would be the best candidate.

When this whole circus started-what, 2, 3 years ago it seems?-I hoped either McCain or Huckabee would win the Republican nomination. McCain because he seemed to be the lesser of the other evils and Huckabee because, well, I would get to giggle hysterically every time I heard the term "President Huckabee" and you can't buy that kind of joy.

(Although you can move to West Virginia where someone with the last name "BOOBER" is running for commissioner or something. I don't even know what. All I know is that their last name is BOOBER. Ha!)

For the Democrats, I never saw much difference between the two frontrunners except for, well, the obvious physical differences. Their plans seem pretty similar. Either one winning would be historic for the USA and a great leap into the future. I always thought Hillary seemed more negative and cutthroat, but hey-still way better than what we currently have, right? Couldn't do worse if we elected a rock to the presidency.

(The only thing that gave me real pause about Hillary is kind of silly, but I couldn't shake it-it was the last name. It seemed so wrong to me that if she got elected we would have had an alternating dynasty in the American presidency for a quarter of a century. It didn't seem right and didn't seem like change. But I digress.)

And can I also mention that, as an independent in the state of Maryland, I was not able to vote in any primary. So my opinions are worth nothing anyway.

But now it seems to be closing up and I would be happy to support Obama. Not only because of the historic nature of his presidency, but also because of his seeming (he is still a politician) willingness to talk candidly to the American people about the state we are in. That is the change I think he represents. Honesty. Truth.

No more bullshit.

I am sick of the lies, misdirection and divisiveness I have experienced in the last 8 years. No MORE. Americans are willing to suck up the mistakes we have made, make plans, improve and move on. Stop whining, keep the best interests of the people and not the corporations and executives in mind and lets get to work, OK?

The other reason I will support Obama to the fullest?

Maddy screeches happily whenever she sees him on TV, jumps up and down, points at the screen and shouts "Bok Omama! Bok Omama!"

And cuteness is a platform I can TOTALLY get behind.

In other news...
I have stopped my Food Network obsession and have switched back to obsessing about HGTV. Damn the housing market! Hearing about the declining market on my commute home EVERY DAY makes me want to renovate my horrible kitchen even more. Looks like I will be in this house longer than I thought.

I have even sucked Michael into my home renovation viewing and have assaulted him with questions about his preferences, options, etc...His main contribution so far? "Get them to do it!" he says, while gesturing at the HGTV gods of renovation.

So I spent an hour tonight writing various essays to HGTV, imploring them to "Spice Up My Kitchen," "Renovate My Space" and "Design on a Dime." Although the idea of having a TV crew in my house freaks me out a bit (quite a bit, actually), I can relax in knowing that they can't do much harm to my already crappy kitchen.

And besides, I doubt we will get picked anyway.

"Excuse me, Chinese Waiter?"

2008-06-01T23:57:00.002-04:00

So Saturday was the Maryland Spring Brewer's Fest. It was pretty good, despite a thunderstorm and tornado watch (outdoor event, if you have not gathered that already). I got to sample one of the BEST BEERS EVER (Ginger Rye beer-yum!) and after a few hours was pretty tired. All in all, I only had the equivalent of three beers, but I was pretty wiped.

So I came home, took a hot shower and collapsed on the bed, with my arms spread like a mo'. Put it this way-it is 36 hours later and my arms still ache from my crucified-while-on-my-stomach sleeping-position.

Too tired to make dinner, so we order Chinese food. We always get steamed pork dumplings. They are delicious (and only about 60 calories!).

Now Tilda, who eats everything 68% of the time, asked for a dumpling but screeched when I tried to cut it up for her. ( A new thing. Not fond of it.) So I dumped it on her plate and turned my attention back to my spicy Singapore Curry, my own dumplings and The Daily Show. At some point, Tilda sidles up to me.

And promptly spits a half-chewed, pork dumpling into my plate of food.

(Apparently another new thing-she did it again this morning. Also not fond of it.)

At first I was really concerned, thinking that she was sick. It took me a few minutes of alternately looking down out my plate and her to realize that she had simply decided that it was too hot or she didn't like it. Michael, however, had seen the whole thing and had never thought she was sick. Therefore, his face was about to explode between wanting to laugh his fool head off and being entirely aghast.

So Tilda got sent to time-out, where she merrily stared at the wall and sang to herself. (Another new thing-time-outs are almost entirely ineffective. )

Michael, even now, gets a contorted snickering look on his face when the incident comes up in conversation.

Other than my regurgitating child, the only other news is that Kelly and I bought a canoe. 20 years old, complete with paddles, a roof rack and life jackets. For only $99! We have talked about going in on a canoe together for years. Now our new goal is to not kill ourselves in it.

It's been a while since I posted...

2008-05-29T23:29:00.002-04:00

but I have nothing exciting to report.

My sister found another funny site that I have begun to peruse. One is about graphs. One particular graph caught my eye for some reason...

So We Meet Again....

2008-05-20T22:46:00.005-04:00

I'm feeling sufficiently bitter enough to catch up on some bloggin'.

Michael and I went to see The Cure, not last Friday, but the Friday before that. Admittedly, the concert was a great one and they played all but one of the songs I wanted to hear. ("Cut Here.") That said, I had a few problems with it:

-it was at the Patriot Center which, as Cartman would say ,"sucks balls." The sound is generally terrible (much like the school and it is my alma mater so I know these things). The worst concert I ever saw what White Stripes at the Patriot Center-I am not exactly sure how one can make exactly one guitar and old drum set sound bad, but the Patriot Center managed to accomplish exactly that). It is, as my friend Maria succinctly states, a frakkin' basketball court. It did seem very wrong for the majority of fans of The Cure, which I assume never before stepped foot on a basketball court. (I, myself, famously played basketball in elementary school in Bermuda, coached by a handsomely tall Canadian named Gary. I had my moment in glory when I stole the ball away from the other team and scored a goal. In my own team's basket. So yes, I was destined to enjoy The Cure. But I digress.)
-It was disheartening to see Robert Smith, seemingly on the verge of diabetes, have way more energy than me. See Michael's blog for a full set list. All I will say is that they played for over 3 hours and had 3 encores. And that I am old. And wished they would stop. And Robert Smith kept prancing on stage. Which made me feel older.
-Goth people. Nothing is worse than a person trying to emulate 2008-era Robert Smith (see diabetes comment above). That said, I spent the majority of the concert alternately sitting down (see "I am old" statements above) and glaring at the obese goth chick two rows behind me. When she was not yelling/slurring obscenities at Robert Smith when he didn't choose songs she liked, (in what I considered to be a fake British accent), she was twirling up and down the aisles (fire hazard) like some horrible goth dreidel. In fact, most of the joy I derived from the concert involved glaring at dreidel-goth-chick. And Skittles. I like Skittles.

In general, however, I was tired, but well-behaved. I am generally a homebody and see no use in most concerts-I can pay $65 for a concert ticket or stay home with a $10 CD-guess which one I get better sound quality out of? But this was a Christmas present for Michael, so I strived to not complain. And he got me Noodles & Co.

Then there was this past Friday.

I will start by saying that my typical bedtime is 10:30PM.

Notice I do not state that it is 4:30AM.

Michael and I, several months ago, bought tickets for Devotchka. We knew it would be a late night, simply because the concert is in DC and we, thankfully, live very far from D.C. We thought the concert would start at 9PM.

We found out the day of the concert that there would be two acts before Devotchka and that the headliner would not go on until 11:45PM.

I am way too old for this crap.

So I hemmed and hawed and finally decided that I wanted to see one of the preview acts so bad, I would go ahead and go. (Basia Bhulat, in case you are wondering.)

I would console myself with, alternately, copious amounts of coffee and vodka.

Michael, being the anal being he is, has a more complete timeline on his blog. I myself will not bore you with the details. All I will say is that we missed the first act, Basia Bhulat was everything I could have hoped for, blueberry Stoli is lovely, and Devotchka was pretty good, but most of their music sounded the same at 1AM in the morning.

I fell asleep on the way home and was grumpy for the next two days.

Too old for this crap.

It is very depressing at the ripe age of 27 to realize that you would rather stay at home and make JAM than to go to a concert.

sigh.

We didn't get home till about 4:30 AM and Tilda was up around 8:30 AM. It is Tuesday, and I think I am still recovering.

So, there, I am caught up.

GrainsnGrapes

2008-05-17T21:14:00.002-04:00

Check out my new post on Grains N Grapes. I found watching There Will Be Blood so inspirational, I have decided to start hatin' on inanimate objects.

I be jammin'

2008-05-05T08:31:00.000-04:00

So yesterday, I did something I have wanted to do for a VERY long time (talking years here, people).

I made jam.

I have wanted to learn how to can since I read about it in The Tightwad Gazette some 7 years ago. The idea of being able to not only grow my own food, but also store it has great appeal. It means one day I can live out on a farm in themiddleofnowhere and be closer to being 100% self-sufficient, thus also improving my chances of surviving in the coming zombie apocalypse.

I had also read that canning is a skill that can be used to save money-more on that later.

So for the past 7 years, I have been reading what I can about canning. A very useful resource for food preservation in general is Preserving Summer's Bounty, a book I was very excited to receive, but disappointed that, while it did include excellent and clear canning instructions, it pretty much discouraged it as the most efficient method of food preservation and tends to advocate the freezer as the most efficient method of preservation.

However, this does not take into account the cost of using a freezer or the inevitability of spending countless hours canning, only to have a major summer or winter storm take out your electricity and destroy your supply of stockpiled food.

So why did it take me so long to can? Well, I thought you needed special equipment. And my kitchen is small and lacking in counter space. And fruit is expensive. And jam is cheap. And I don't eat it that often. And then there's the b-word-botulism.

Then I came across a great article about canning in the June edition of Bon Appetit. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a copy to post it here, but I am sure it will be posted on epicurious soon. For the time being, I will just say that the author was so enamoured of making jam that she made the process seem almost pornographic. And she made it seem so simple.

This, combined with a nice sale on fruit at Giant this week (99 cents for a pint of blackberries!!!) made it seem worthwhile to give it a whirl.

Because I have been reading about canning for so long, I already had all of the materials on hand. It was just a matter of cooking up the macerated berries (raspberries and blackberries in case you were wondering) and putting it into sterilized jars.

It didn't take more than an hour, not including the macerating time and the result was amazing. It was so easy, I ended up making that night's dinner at the same time.

As you can see, it came out gorgeously. And I have NEVER had any type of berry-related thing that tastes as good as this does. This morning, I had it on toast with butter and jam. I am going to try to mix some with yogurt to make my own berry-flavored yogurt (and maybe freeze some later to make popsicles for the coming summer weather.) Even though I am not fond of pancakes, I am thinking about making a batch just to have my jam on top of them. And peanut butter.....can't wait.

So, was it cost-effective? While the blackberries were on sale, the raspberries were not-altogether, I spent $12 on the fruit alone. I ended up with 32 ozs of jam. I can buy 32 oz of Smuckers at Costco in bulk for 99 cents. So clearly, it did not save money.

That said, it is not yet berry season here in the mid-Atlantic, but will be soon. I have never really priced out cheap sources of berries here, but will be scouring farmer's markets and PYO farms soon. Even if it is not cost-effective, I have to believe it is healthier-the only ingredients in my jam are berries, lemon juice and sugar. No preservatives of any type. And it tastes 50,000 times better than any other jam I have ever had.

Furthermore, the author of the Bon Appetit article said it was easy to swap out the fruit. So talk to me again in July when Maryland's delicious peaches ripen.

The prospect of enjoying home canned summer fruit in the middle of January 2009 makes me almost look forward to the winter.

Oh, and by the way-I have been totally stoked about jam for the past 24 hours (can't you tell?) and have been mentioning my excitement to Michael constantly. This morning, (while I was enjoying jam and butter on wheat toast) he says "Of course you would make good jam-it's in your name. Jam-ee." And he grinned.

And people wonder why I constantly threaten him with divorce.

Miscellany

2008-04-28T21:12:00.003-04:00

Iran apparently needs a dayjob, since they don't have anything better to worry about.

Of course, I say this and yet the very county I live in, Frederick County, MD, made national news because they voted to make English the "official" language of Frederick County. I am SO PLEASED to know my elected officials have nothing better to do and look forward to helping them move on to the next phase in their professional lives come election time.

Last Night
I had a great zombie dream-Michael had turned into a zombie but was trying to play it off. But I knew. So I was going to sneak into the bathroom, find a pair of scissors, stab him repeatedly, and then crawl out the bathroom window and escape via my neighbor's roof in case he "survived." I was just about to execute my plan when he woke me up. I was irritated with him all morning. Actually, I don't know if I was irritated because he woke me up or because he stole my chance to kill Zombie Michael.

By the way, did I mention his birfday is in two days? See what the poor guy has to put up with?

Baconator

2008-04-26T09:50:00.003-04:00

Tilda fancies herself as a "nouveau chef", I think. She likes to, shall we say, "experiment" with food. Typically she does this by creating various "dips." Sometimes, it is perfectly acceptable-chicken nuggets dipped in ketchup, for example. Other times, it's pretty odd-toast dipped in water.

Today, Tilda experimented with bacon dipped in milk. "Mmmm, good!" she exclaimed during breakfast.

Michael's eyes widened and he snatched a piece of bacon, dipped it in Tilda's milk, and ate it.

And gagged.

And we laughed at him.

Rock the Vote

2008-04-23T09:02:00.002-04:00

My brother-in-law's Threadless design got accepted for submission-please check it out and vote here .

Man, I feel old...

2008-04-18T15:28:00.002-04:00

I often joke about feeling old because I don't really have a good sense of humor. Therefore, I have to resort to sarcastic self-deprecation.

But I read something that made me feel truly old for the first time ever.

In talking about the new X-Files movie, some commentator wrote that the average college kid today would have been around 4 years old when the series began.

EGAD!

I remember anxiously awaiting the series to begin in middle school. While my fellow classmates with social lives were out doing things on Friday nights, I would hole up in my room waiting for 9PM and the show to begin.

Afterwards, I would hope online to these newfangled things called "chat rooms" and exchange theories about the show with other geeks.

I was crushed when they moved it to Sunday-I was once again left with nothing to do on Friday nights.

But 4 years old? Really?!?

Hey, Threadless Fans

2008-04-15T21:10:00.001-04:00

Come vote for my brother-in-law's new design (when it becomes available). I'd buy it.

I'm in the Jailhouse Now

2008-04-14T19:43:00.002-04:00

This will probably get me jailed, but really-she did this herself.

Oprah's Big Give

2008-04-14T19:32:00.003-04:00

I imagine she keeps John Travolta in a basement wearing nothing but a leather leash. Trots him out whenever she had need of his "services."

Ew.

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

2008-04-14T19:30:00.001-04:00

Tension-breaker. Had to be done.

Purgatory

2008-04-13T21:51:00.003-04:00

Have I died and gone to Hell? TNT is showing Peter Jackson's King Kong for a 3rd friggin' night in a row.

And I am watching it because its the only thing on and CNN's "Compassion Forum" is over.

Beer Bloggles

2008-04-13T19:48:00.001-04:00

Check out the first of my two-part installment (unless I find additional restaurants that have beer) of Charlotte beers here.

Fitter, Happier, More Productive...

2008-04-11T20:40:00.002-04:00

Suprisingly, Charlotte seems to be full of pretty healty people.

When one thinks of North Carolina, one thinks of the South, BBQ, fried chicken, etc...so I am pretty shocked to observe that most of the people I see in Charlotte's Uptown (think 95%) seem healthy and fit. At lunch, most people around me were chomping on salads and water. (Myself, yes, a salad but also a sampler of beer from Rock Bottom Brewery.)

They also seem to be happy people. Haven't seen anyone who has acted unpleasant, mad or sad.

I have only seen two homeless guys. They are the same ones and occupy the same corner. They sidle up to a group, nod enthusiastically at whatever the conversation happens to be and then politely and excitedly ask for spare change.

In short, it's kinda creeping me out.

But in this Uptown area, there really is nothing to do. I ended up walking around aimlessly for a few hours and then camped out in this little park and bothered my mom for awhile. Ended up getting sunburned. Egad, I am pale.

Or was. Now I am red.

Did I mention that I don't have access to Food Network? It makes me a little jittery. Very limited number of channels in the hotel room. Right now, Peter Jackson's King Kong is the only thing on. Not exactly my favorite film-I think it is kinda pretentious in a way. But I also recognize that what I see as pretentiousness might just be Peter Jackson's fanboyish love of the original after decades of fermentation. A yeasty brew of geekdom.

Charlotte's Web

2008-04-10T21:06:00.002-04:00

So Charlotte reminds me of Fight Club for two reasons. One, it is one of (the?) America's "financial capital(s)."Two, I hope to God something subversive is happening in Charlotte's basements because, if not, the blandness would act like a black hole and suck the life out of all of existing matter within a 100 mile radius.

Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh.

The only thing I have seen in Charlotte thus far, besides the convention center and my hotel, is a handful of restaurants and financial buildings. Wachovia and Bank of America (I think) are housed here. They take up what appears the only skyscrapers in the city and they are all connected by tubes.

Yes, I said tubes.

But it's not a bad town. It's extremely clean, I feel quite safe walking around by myself with a laptop and people seem friendly enough. I actually even saw pedestrians with a right-of-way stop in the middle of a crosswalk to allow a car to turn right. I can't quite say I have EVER seen that.

I tried to call Maddy to tell her goodnight. Apparently, when Michael told her "Mommy was on the phone" she yelled "No!" at the phone and backed away. I feel loved.

I got the Tarmac Treatment today. For some reason, they decided to shut down the runway my plane was supposed to depart from. We sat on the tarmac for 45 minutes and watched planes lift off all around us.

I had a window seat so I spent most of the time alternately watching other planes depart, worrying about showing up to my lunch meeting on time and snoozing. I tend to chose window seats so I can lean my head against something and because it reduces my change of potential conversation by 50%. If you sit in the middle, you may have two people try to talk to you. If you sit on the end, you could have up to 3-4 people trying to talk to you (think aisle people).

This time, I ended up regretting it. My seatmate was talking to the gentleman next to him-a young, handsome fellow who was returning to North Carolina from a 15 month stint in Iraq. He was extremely talkative, but pleasant. He was obviously still getting used to being back in the States-he had been traveling for two days and was still unused to seeing things like real commercials and buying his own food for the first time in over a year. He was 20 years old and was going home to tell the wife and kids of one of his friends that her husband wasn't coming home.

I tend to be proud of the things I accomplished by the time I was 20-I had proved myself in school while working several jobs, I had convinced Michael to try to get a better job, and I was managing living by myself pretty well. But that is nothing compared to what this kid/man had seen and was about to do. So, I was really put in my place.

He was an interesting case study-he was happy to be home but certain-and looking forward to- go back in August. But I got the impression that he didn't agree with the war-he seemed to think that a lot was being held back from the American people, that the only reason that America has been successful in some provinces was because they gave Iraqis water and he was full of horror stories of how children were being mutilated and tortured. Overall, what really struck me is that he repeatedly said how lucky he was-whenever his seatmate made a comment about how the whole situation sucked, he would repeat that he couldn't complain, that he was lucky because he was alive. Despite everything that he had seen and heard (and was about to do) at his young age, he was still positive.

Me, being the negative person I tend to be, was very put in my place. I'll probably be thinking about him for a long time. I hope you do too.

Argh!

2008-04-05T23:45:00.003-04:00

There are strangers in my house!!!

They are here right now-Michael is showing them The Mist.

I am upstairs, drinking my third (!) vodka and diet coke because I can neither handle strangers in my house (!) but, even more so, the ending of The Mist(!).

Because I would totally do THAT.

And it makes me nervous just realize IT.

Searching for Bobby (not Fischer)

2008-04-04T16:50:00.002-04:00

Today should be a joyous occasion. Mike and I should be celebrating National Happy Sidewalk Day wherein we rejoice in the fact that our crumbling, decaying, and probably extremely dangerous sidewalk has been replaced by beautiful, silvery smooth concrete. (Thanks, dead Roman inventors-of-concrete dudes!)

mmmmm....Concrete Joy.

Instead, I am looking for a kid, probably around 8 or 9, by the name of "Bobby." Because Bobby took it upon himself to scribble his DAMNED NAME into my BRAND NEW SIDEWALK.

I am also looking for his comrade "J*s*l*e" who (I hope because of extreme fright at being caught) either couldn't spell his name right or who is so friggin' inept that he cannot even vandalize property correctly. (Seriously, what are the public schools teaching these kids?)

Bastards!

These creative youngsters also decided that History must not forget the day the Robinsons got a new sidewalk so they also carved the date into the corner.

Uncreative bastards!

The concrete had not even been down more than 12 hours.

I mean, if you are going to vandalize, you should at least have some sort of meaningful manifesto-type symbol, right?

So naturally I was hopping mad (I hate it when people touch my things) and called around to get sympathy from my sister (thanks, sister) and my mom (no luck there-"that's what kids do!" she says). They were touching my things, mom!!!

If it hadn't cost so much, I wouldn't have been as upset. But replacing the concrete means that we had to put off remodeling our icky kitchen for another year.

I did talk to the police, who said I was probably overreacting.

Erg.

I talked to the Concrete Man (I never got his name-as far as I know, that IS his name-it's printed on his truck) who said that he thought the marks would fade over time.

Erg.

I complained to almost everyone I came in contact with today.

Erg.

So I have turned into that creepy woman who constantly peers out her window, looking for evidence that kids are misbehaving. Looking, watching, and waiting for "Bobby." And "J*s*l*e."

On the plus side, at least now I have a hobby.

April Foo's

2008-04-01T23:35:00.002-04:00

So I "accidentally" left this page open on our Internet browser today. It was enough to cause Michael cautious concern. Nobody wants toddler 2.5. Right, Kel? :)

Leaving for Charlotte in about a week for work. Michael did a preliminary Q & A into what there is to do in Charlotte, NC. He received advice that the Shriner's parade was pretty good (erp!) and that there were pig brains to be had (eep!).

(Honestly, though, with Maddy touching into this Terrible Twos phase, I think I will welcome the peace and quiet a week in Charlotte will bring. Pig's brains or no.)

So, Maddy is in this strange phase where she makes assumptions about the things she sees around her-I think I have already mentioned that she believes all churches are castles. I started correcting her and then started to think it was more fun to believe what she believed. The new thing is that this is actually butterflies-at first, I told her that it was just dust reflecting in the sunlight and then I remembered my own childhood, thinking that the dust/particless/unknown looked golden and magical in the sunlight and why the hell should she not think it they are butterflies?

I wonder if Mom knows how much I liked the dust in the house...bet she does now....she would probably spaz to know that there was dust to be had in the house...

Speaking of OCD, Maddy no longer likes to take baths. You would be amazed at how difficult it is to give a 2 year old a shower. One time she found a bug in the bath and now searches meticulously for "ants" in the tub. (Wonder who she got THAT from?) Anyways, I myself can't really argue with this logic. So I stick her in the shower. Erg.

And today was one of the warmest days we have had all year-and also the day of my first buggy kill-a small fly. I consider it a warning to any other flies that dare to think my house is a safe haven. Until they help pay the mortgage, they are not welcome here.

Take Notes, People

2008-03-29T19:43:00.003-04:00

I would like two of these for birthday/Christmas/or "sorrythatyouhadamomentofstupidityandaccompaniedthreesmallchildren
andagrumpysistertothemallonaSaturdayforsixhourslookingforabusinesssuit
thatyouneitherreallywanttowearnorpaythemoneyfor"-day.

And yes, I am still suit-less.

And yes, I try to buy a suit at least once a year and it always ends up with the same outcome.

But maybe this time I will end up with a set of totally awesome martini glasses.

Madieval

2008-03-26T20:29:00.002-04:00

You know how little kids repeat things that they hear a lot? Some child psychologists think this is why a child first starts saying "No!" to everything-it's probably one of the most repetitive word they hear in the first two years of their life. But, children, when practicing their speech, will often repeat phrases and words that they hear over and over again-songs, number and color drills, etc...to help with language development, memory and other such things.

So should I be concerned that today I heard Maddy say to herself "Be nice to teacher!"? I'm afraid to ask the daycare....

Hypocrisy

2008-03-25T20:31:00.002-04:00

So, I did my blogstroll-visiting the 5 or 6 blogs that I check out every few days. I was kinda miffed that no one had updated theirs recently (entertain me, people!) when I realized I hadn't either.

So-

Lately, Maddy alternates between Sweetest Being Who Ever Walked the Earth & Quintessential Two Year Old. Guess which one I love more.

I'm getting our sidewalk replaced. It has been slowly crumbling for the past few years. It's been a pain to shovel in the snow-whenever you shovel snow, you invariably get pieces of concrete too. It's gonna be expensive to replace, but the City tears it up for free. They came today and now there is a black hole of dirt by our house.

My mother is trying to convince us to go on a 13 day cruise to Europe...I hate spending money.

Eh, I'm boring myself. Sorry. I'll stop and wait until you more interesting people have something say.

Maddy-isms

2008-03-19T23:17:00.002-04:00

Maddy calls many buildings "castles"-most churches and the Charlestown Courthouse, for example.

Puppies are "puckie dogs."

Whenever I do something that Maddy is impressed by, she say, "Berry good, mommy, buko, excrsent." (i.e. Very good, mommy, (indecipherable) excellent).

Today, I was cleaning the floor. This must not happen often, because Maddy was fascinated by it. To the the point, she yelled out "DIRT!" and started dancing across the room.

She constantly asks to hear The Decemberists playing "The Mariner's Revenge Song."

She knows what "beer" is but not "root beer." ( My bad.)

Today, I started teaching Maddy to read using Kolsch words (gotta use my Master's for something.) She can recognize the word "Art". It's a st"art".

We have to do critter roll call every night. We have to account for kitty, second kitty, pucky dog, koala, and bunnyrabbit.

Tonight, Maddy decided she was afraid of the dragon storage bin that has been in her room forever. I think we convinced her it was a good dragon because, in the end, she asked to leave it up.

Never, in my 27 years did I think I would have to advocate on the behalf of a fabric dragon. (btw-they don't teach you these skills in school.)

Nancy grows up

2008-03-17T22:46:00.002-04:00

Michael and Emily have introduced me to Radiolab.

Admittedly, I don't find it as fascinating as they apparently do, which is not to say I don't enjoy it. It is nice to listen to when working from home. Like news, but (mostly) not as depressing.

I am currently listening to the one about Time. They did a audio montage of a child going from birth to age 12 within, I believe, 12 seconds.

It was both interesting and disheartening. I could identify very clearly where Maddy currently is in her speech development. And I could see, or hear, rather, at the same time, where she is going. But I cannot fathom Maddy being 12 years old. (Or me being the mother of a 12 year old for that matter. Or still, even a mother for that matter.)

Coincidentally to this podcast, I have been generating a theory in the past few days. You see, Maddy has become increasingly...oh, let's say EXTREMELY irritating lately. For example:

Maddy: "Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. "
Me: "In a minute, baby, I'm cooking dinner." (Literally, hands dripping with turkey juices. Not yummy.)
Maddy: "Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. Mommy, I want some milk. "

Or

Maddy throws something on the floor.

Me: "Maddy, please pick that up."
Maddy: (smiling) "No!"
Me: "Tilda, Mommy asked you to pick that up. Please pick it up or you will go to Time Out. Do you want to go to Time Out?"
Maddy: "Yes! I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out! Mommy, I want to go to Time Out!"

(by the way, Time Out consists of her going to a corner and looking at a wall. She doesn't seem to mind it a bit. Sigh.)

Or

I serve Maddy something for dinner that she has not tried before.

Maddy: "Mommy, its good! I like dinner!"
Me: "Well, I'm glad, Tilda."
Maddy: "No want (insert dinner item here). I want yogurt in the chocolate." (Yeah, you read that right.)

So my theory? Well, at this stage, Maddy is, at most times, Super Cute. No, I mean it. She says cute things, she looks cute, she smiles cutely...almost enough to make me think about having another kid just so I can go through this state again. And then she comes up with the annoying crap specified above. So my theory is that the Terrible Twos exist to convince parents that, eventually, Baby's got to go.

See, if kids remained cute forever, parents would never want them to leave. Therefore, they have to be horrible. That way, parents think and dream of the day that they will, theoretically, be "free" and the Maddys of the world will have to fetch their own damn milk.

SPIDER! (He's NOT My Hero)

2008-03-12T22:58:00.003-04:00

So tonight there was a GIANT spider in my bathroom downstairs. Like tarantula-sized. At least 4 inches long. I went "eek!" and got Michael.

It's not that I am scared of spiders, bugs, etc...it's just that they give me the willies. I physically shudder at them. I think of spiders and bugs and my skin crawls. They have long legs and many eyes and ugh, I don't want them near me. And I don't want them in the house or touching my things.

Michael goes on and on about how "spiders are our friends" like some bad after school special. I just want them dead. At least the ones in my house.

But especially big honking spiders. If I let one live and they go back outside, I can't stop thinking that they are just gathering up all of their big honking spider friends, saying "Hey, there are some spider-loving hippies in that warm house. Let's be squatters!" I don't like spider scouts and their spider legions. And so they must die.

Of course, we are short on weapons so I had Michael assault the spider with flea spray (you should have seen the look Mike gave me when I handed him flea spray. Kinda like "Exactly what crazy woman did I marry?"Luckily, he humors me.) It didn't work, so I fell back on my handy-dandy creature killer-Windex. I know my family wonders why I always have some on hand, since I'm not great at cleaning. Well, that's why. Windex is the Patron Saint of Creature Killers.

So tonight, I am on Spider Patrol, checking windows, walls, and anything that looks spider-like. I have to check my sheets. I have already had a heart attack about one of Maddy's stickers that fell on the floor and have been warning the cat, with his long black fur to sleep downstairs tonight. He looks at me with his bright, green eyes and swishes his long, furry tail across my leg. A tail that resembles a huge, black, furry SPIDER leg.

Erg. Spiderwillies.

I THOUGHT I was having a good week...

2008-02-26T22:39:00.002-05:00

But now I'm starting obsess that I'm not...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Thanks, A LOT Renee-now I have something new to freak out about.

I'm on a Mission From God

2008-02-26T19:22:00.002-05:00

The Mission? To go here.

The Reason? To drink one of these:

Spore Report

2008-02-25T20:49:00.000-05:00

In my interest in getting started with my garden I, as I believe I mentioned before, spent a whopping $90 on seeds and seeds supplies last week.

One of those supplies consisted of two little seed peat pots designed for kids. I purchased a sunflower and a pumpkin. I'm trying to indoctrinate Tilda into being a gardener.

She's very excited by them. We look at them every day, water them and they sit on her windowsill. At night, we say "'Night, 'night pumpkin. 'Night, 'night flower."

But here's the thing-the seeds were purchased on Saturday, February 17th and planted on February 19th. As you can see, they are huge! They sprouted within 48 hours. I have never seen anything like it before. They are mutants!

Seriously, its like they were fed some sort of growth hormone. They are nearing 2 inches in height already!

Thus, my next endeavor will be to get Tilda to call the pumpkin "Roger" and the sunflower "Clemens."

Oh, I'm bad.

May God Strike You Down Mr. Jobs

2008-02-21T05:43:00.003-05:00

Of course, within 1 FRIGGIN' week of buying my new shuffle (after washing my old one), they lowered the price by $25.

Spring-the Foul Temptress

2008-02-20T20:01:00.002-05:00

On Monday it was 75 degrees, Tuesday 45 and windy, and today, it snowed. The seasons are *?%@ing with me again.

The weather this weekend was so pleasant that I realized that it was time for me to buy seeds for my garden. I spent (gulp) $90 on seeds and seed supplies.

I gradually letting myself get excited about my garden again. 2007 was so disappointing that I stopped even wanting to go out back and look at it. Drought, squash beetles, poor yields-they all conspired against me to make me sad.

But the cold weather has me thinking more and more about warm weather and I have been planning my garden. I'm venturing into the world of flowers for the first time, mainly because I can't get the grass in my yard to grow right. Or even. So I'm planning a medieval style garden with raised beds and flowers intermingled with veggies. I've already started most of my seeds and some have already sprouted. Yay me!

I just reread my post and realized it was a whole lotta boring. Sorry.

I love Ancestry.com

2008-02-07T22:25:00.001-05:00

Runnin' Rhino

2008-02-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

So this shirt reminded me of me this week. Thanks a lot, Threadless.

I've been working my butt off at the gym and this week, since we had the lovely variation of an ice storm on Friday morning to 65 degree weather by Sunday, I took my running outside. I played with my new running gadget, my Garmin Forerunner. It is very cool. And it makes me happy.

Unfortunately, I am one of those people that exercise doesn't count unless I can quantify it. It's not because I am anal, but I have noticed that I tend to overestimate any exercise when I don't keep track of it. So quantifying stuff keeps me honest.

I still have not lost any weight since this weightlossevil began. In fact, I still have those 2 lbs that I gained. But I have lost 1 1/2 inches overall (arms, stomach, legs, etc...). The only exception is that my calves have apparently expanded a bit. But they seem less wobbly and more muscular, so I am happy with that. Overall, can't complain.

And since Michael keeps "offering" to improve my running by chasing me down with a car, I have slightly more incentive to keep it up, despite the lack of diminishing poundage. 'Cause you never know when that boy is going to snap.

Maddy and the Purple Crayon

2008-01-28T12:36:00.000-05:00

I probably should have punished her. And I did scold her a bit. I mean, Maddy did color on my wall with a purple crayon.

But, I thought it was a pretty good drawing-better than I could do. So I was proud. And probably set a horrible, horrible precedent.

Oh well.

A Stumble on the Road to Fitness

2008-01-24T21:16:00.000-05:00

I washed my iPod Shuffle.

Weighting for a Moment...but that Moment Never Came

2008-01-23T17:21:00.000-05:00

I have not published a Weight Loss update lately. It's not because of forgetfulness, but because it's just so darn depressing. I won't go into details, but I will say that the opposite of losing weight occurred.

ugh.

Last week was not a great week-I was really sluggish, tired and didn't feel like cooking. I think the cold is getting to me. So this translated into Chipotle on Thursday, NY-style pizza on Friday, Gordon Biersch on Saturday (mmm....beer), and, of course, playoff food on Sunday. Homemade 'tato skins and beer.

So come Monday, I shouldn't have been surprised.

Feeling down, I resumed going back to my regular gym schedule (last week was my "cross-training" week, so I knocked my effort back a notch and did stationary bikes instead of my usual treadmill/elliptical combo. And read Runner's World. Lotsa articles about running in that one). And yesterday, I broke the 30 minute benchmark for my 5K!

Yay, me!

Just two weeks ago, my 5K time was 31.50. Yesterday, it was 29:48 or 29:58-I honestly can't recall since I was so busy recovering that my brain ceased to function for a few minutes. But I know for sure it was under 30 minutes.

So even though I didn't lose weight this week, I think this proves that my fitness overall has improved. And maybe I can chalk up some of the weight gain to muscle gain. (I'm trying to get my arms looking great for my tattoo.)

And the best part is the mental one-I have broken than 30 minute barrier, which means when I am running and exhausted I can never, ever tell myself that I "can't do it." I did it, so I can do it again, right? Nifty, eh?

Excitedly, I bounded home to find...a distressed and saddened Michael (and those are the worst kinds of Michaels, lemme tell you). Frankly, I thought someone had died. Like a family member. Turns out it was Heath Ledger. Which is a horrible situation, don't get me wrong, but when I found out why Mike had that look on his face, I wanted to strangle him (and yes, I understand that this would have exacerbated the situation). I just thought it was much more serious, you know? So needless to say, he was less interested in and excited about "running."

But the Heath Ledger thing is pretty disturbing. One, Mike's right, he does have a 2 year old named Matilda and it is quite easy for us to understand how hard it is to explain to a 2 year old that something is gone and not coming back. (Fortunately, we have only had to do this with chocolate so far.) Two, he is too close to my age. Three, he was a damn good actor, something I didn't realize/recognize until I saw Brokeback Mountain. And I was really looking forward to seeing him in Batman. Still am, I guess.

Four, is how the media is treating this. I noticed in this CNN article that the only celebs they quote about the situation are two famous Aussies. Because, you know, only Australian actors can comment on a fellow Australian actor's death. Then there was this Time article that, by my estimate, came out a mere 3 hours after Ledger was pronounced dead, declaring him a "Star in Distress." While at the gym, I saw various talking heads on the news, claiming that they had insight into his troubled life and demons. Which is terrible, because no one knows why he died. Everything they have found so far is circumstantial. But these jerks are quick to paint a picture of a troubled soul who may have turn to drugs to ease his pain. This does a disservice to him and his family since, even if they find that he died of natural causes, his legacy will be plagued by falsehoods designed to sell advertisement on CNN.com. It's maddening, people.

But the best thing was Headline News-they only had two stories really-Heath Ledger and the drop in stock market prices. So they did a split screen of officials taking Heath Ledger's body out in a body bag and the stock market prices. Which, to someone who was watching with the sound off (like me), made it appear as though they were implying that Ledger's death had caused the stock market to crash.

Nitwits.

The Wizard of 'Os

2008-01-18T22:21:00.000-05:00

We are babysitting my parents' dog this week-Chaos, the lovable collie. He is the last pet of my childhood and getting up in years. He is very grey and missing quite a few teeth. But still squeezable.

Maddy was both excited and concerned when she saw him. I had him blocked off with baby gates before she got home so he wouldn't sniff her to death. She screamed "Chaos!" delightedly. And then when I went to "make dinner" (i.e. pull the pizza out of the pizza box and put it onto plates) she was very upset-something about "Chaos, don't eat the Mommy." I tried to assure her that it was OK, to no avail.

Yes, the danger of going to the gym almost every frakkin' day this month is that I have to pass King's Pizza. I've worked up a pretty good craving. Mmmmm......olives & onions.

One of the first things 'Os did was anoint the snowman Maddy and I built out back. I have to admit, he was pretty pathetic in the first place-I only own cotton gloves, so I gave up on the project pretty quickly and our snowman stands at about 2.5 ft tall-but he didn't have to be yellow too...

And of course, the major concern is Igor. We rarely have seen Igor anyway since Tilda was born, but since 'Os has been in the house, we have not seen him at all. I did discover him under the bed at one point and I tried to reintroduce him to the new placement of his food dish but he seemed to not give a %&*!. Last time Mom & Dad's dog stayed at our place, Igor was so frightened that he refused to use the litter box. He decided using our bedspread would prove a better protest. We'll see if that happens again.

Mom and dad-I better get some tequila outta this...and a new bedspread...

By the way, Maria has totally inspired me to think again about getting another tattoo...if you have any ideas....I have always liked this image (think shoulder) and this image. (middle lower back)...but I'm open to suggestions. Always wanted a tattoo for Mother's Day...

I wish everyone...

2008-01-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

..would welcome me with a pilsner and margarita-work would be much more relaxing...

Come in out of the Cold for a Festive Night at Brewer's Alley

Join us Tuesday, February 19th, 2008 on the second floor Overlooking Historic Downtown Frederick for a Trip to the Caribbean prepared by our Executive Chef Joseph Canlas

Welcome Glass
Pilsner and Margarita

Conch Chowder
Caribbean Conch in Rich and Spicy Tomato Vegetable Broth, Potato Brunoise and Salty Sausage
India Pale Ale

Day Boat Diver Scallops
Jicama and Papaya Salad, Lime Leaves and Passion Fruit Vinaigrette
Dunkle Weizen

Pan-Roasted Yellowtail Snapper
Plantain and Avocado Relish, Nut Brown Rum Butter and Habanera Oil
Nut Brown Ale

Wild Boar Havana
Roasted Wild Boar Strip Loin with Black Bean Salsa and Rice, Oatmeal Stout Mole and Yellow Corn Coulis
Oatmeal Stout

Key Lime Meringue
with Rum Sabayon

Thriftmonkey: Resurrection

2008-01-16T22:36:00.000-05:00

Hey, I updated my other blog for the first time in a year-check it out (the link is over the the right, dummy! Yeah, I finally got around to doing that too! Leave me alone! You aren't my mother! Unless, of course, you are. Hi, Ma!)

Maddy Solves Her Problems With a Chainsaw!

2008-01-16T14:51:00.000-05:00

Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became My Kid

2008-01-15T19:26:00.000-05:00

Maddy is getting increasingly strange and I think it's our fault.

Her favorite toy is a chainsaw. It lights up and makes noise and is just her size. She likes to chainsaw the furniture, the house, my butt, and anything else within reach.

She likes to "eat" things. By which, she will yell out, "I want to eat the (insert strange thing here)!" and then pretend to chomp at whatever the thing is and make gobbling sounds.

I was reading a magazine article about autopsies and there was a picture of a bloody brain in a metal tray. Maddy noticed the picture and asked what it was:

Maddy: What's that, mommy?
Me: Why, that's a human brain, Tilda.
Maddy: I want to eat the brain! (chomping and gobbling ensues)

And you know how you read those horrible news articles about parents who die suddenly in front of their young children? And the children either seek out food or sit besides the parent's body until someone finds them? Well, Tilda and I were wrestling on the bed and I pretended to be dead-didn't move, didn't talk. She was delighted and proceeded to jump up and down on my body.

sigh.

Erg.

New Year....

2008-01-09T22:08:00.001-05:00

I received notification today that my 10 year high school reunion is planned for November. Egad. It's being organized by one of those cheerleader drones. 100 people have said no-only 4 have RSVP'd. Sounds like my high school alright.

Um, updates: Tilda is currently learning her shapes at school. She says "I love you mommy" every five friggin' seconds (I try to act tough, but it's adorable and I melt every time. I know she will hate me in a few years). She's trying to dress herself every morning. This is irritating because I've not had enough coffee and she's slow. She's had a boo boo on her nose for the past 3 weeks and asks for a band-aid every night. I put it on because I think she looks like Marv from Sin City and I think that's cute. She loves Indiana Jones movies. And Indiana Jones legos. Really. Mike's not manipulating her. Too much.

I found out today that my neighbor, whom I have spoken to maybe 3 times in the past two years, has been digging through my trash, looking for Boxtops for Education for her daughter. I wonder if I too will be a crazy by the time Maddy turns 8.

I am not going to school or teaching for the first time in 21 years. It is very strange to me. I think it is stressing me out a little. It's like I have no purpose r goal in life.

My sister told me my brother-in-law ate my peanut butter cookies. Damn him.

I find The Biggest Loser strangely entertaining. It's a sadistic show.

Speaking of weight loss, I think my body fat has entered into some sort of time-space continuum. I have been working out non-stop and eating pretty well, but my weight either remains the same or I will actually have gained weight! God hates me. ..

But I do think I am going to sign up for the Frederick Marathon this year. I keep talking about doing a marathon. Time to get off the ass....

Um...I can't think of any more updates right now

Tildaisms

2008-01-04T10:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I finished dressing Tilda. She looked up and down her clothes and exclaimed "Good job, Mommy!" I'm not sure if she was truly proud or being condescending.

Weigh-in

2007-12-31T10:14:00.000-05:00

I forgot to do this last week. We are at 356.8 this week, a 2.6 lb change overall. Not much change, but not bad considering we had to deal with Christmas. And Sabofudge, courtesy of my parents.

We have so many baked goods in the house, it is not funny. And I received four boxes of chocolate for Christmas. Fortunately, I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I hate having food go to waste. Time to offload on the coworkers.

I was pretty blue yesterday. I thought I had been doing very well with my eating and, adding exercise fairly regularly, I thought I should have lost more weight-instead, the scale had been reading my weight as two lbs higher than when I started. (Bastard!) With all of the reading I do on weight loss, nutrition, health, etc...I know that one's weight can vary day-to-day by 1-2 lbs due to water retention and other factors. But still-everything pointed to a weight gain-I was so sad.

So I sat down with a few online calculators and compared that with what I have been eating (I have been keeping track via fitday.com) and determined that I started eating more when I started exercising. With explanation in hand, I feel much better.

Weekly Weigh-In

2007-12-18T23:47:00.000-05:00

Combined weight-357. Down 2.4 lbs.

I'm off!

2007-12-18T23:40:00.000-05:00

For the rest of the year....

No clue what to do with the two weeks laid out before me...

(I will probably secretly check my work e-mail.)

I have plans to clean, wrap presents, bake, toss the massive stack of magazines in our room, clean out the attic, go to the gym religiously, finish Christmas shopping, get our finances in order, and instill in Maddy all the "joys and wonders of the holiday".

I will probably end up watching Food Network and curled up in a blanket on the couch. Maddy will demand to watch Charlie Brown and will feed herself by finding dehydrated Cheerios on the floor. And possibly eating me.

See? She can take care of herself.

My last class seemed to end well. Several of my students came up to thank me and one gave me chocolates. Not sure if it was a thank you or a bribe. Either way, I'm happy.

If you needed ANOTHER reason to not shop Wal-Mart

2007-12-18T07:01:00.001-05:00

Here it is.

What a sad day...

2007-12-16T20:37:00.000-05:00

Dan Fogerburp died...

He was the leader of the band...