"I'm just a mean, green mother from outer space"

My garden has been woefully neglected this year. I started my seedlings late. I planted late. I have only half-heartedly attempted to weed it. All of this due to the sheer exhaustion I experienced this past semester at school. All I wanted when I got home was to plop myself in front of the TV with some sort of alcoholic beverage.

The one thing I DID accomplish this year was crop rotation. Now I know that my garden is so wee that it probably won't make much of a difference, but I figured 1) it couldn't hurt and 2) hopefully, the squash bugs that have plagued me for the past two years wouldn't be able to figure out that I moved the squash 5 feet in the opposite direction.

So I planted tomatoes and basil where I normally put squash and squash where I normally put tomatoes. Commence neglect.

I did soon notice a little squash plant popping up out of the tomato bed. I hadn't planted it, didn't know what it was, but decided to let it live and fulfill whatever usefulness it may have.

This squash plant has since grown to 4 feet in diameter. It is crowded out most of the tomatoes and all of the basil plants. I have been waiting and waiting for some sort of fruit from it so I could figure out what the heck it was. Finally, today, I spied something through the Jurassic-like leaves, reached down and picked this:















Um...I have no friggin' clue what this might be. It's greenish like a zucchini but softer like a summer squash. And the ribs...WTF?!? It's like H.R. Giger designed a vegetable.

Will this be the next thing I pluck from my garden?

So if you have a clue what it might be, drop me a line and let me know. I will probably eat it and I promise I'll post an update if I mutate into a horrible vegetable monster.