The planet turned a hair grey as I relived the day

9/11 is our “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” On September 11th, 2001, I woke up in a foul mood. Not sure why, but I remember that it was worsened when Mike and I left late to get to work (I had already been lectured about being late to work too often), I was irritated with Michael (for some forgotten, probably stupid reason), I think we were stuck in traffic (nothing new), and the news station I listened to would not stop talking about Michael Jordan possibly joining the Wizards. That is all they had talked about for weeks. I remember one of us commented that we wished for some “real” news.

Work improved when I didn’t have to be in the call center that day (I hate phones and yes, I worked in a call center) but instead was assigned to work in the back with a cute guy named Mark shredding old files (no, nothing Enronesque). After an hour or so, my manager, who is from the New York area came in and told us that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. She left and I commented to Mark that it was sad-I imagined maybe a small charter plane had flown into the building.

A few minutes later, my manager came by again and said another plane had flown into another building and she wanted us up front. I didn’t understand what was going on. I sat at my desk and tried to check CNN, wtopnews.com, etc...but couldn't get the sites to come up.

I’m don’t remember when I heard about the Pentagon., but I knew it was not far away from my office building (just under 10 miles to be precise). I remember seeing smoke outside the window. I remember thinking we were being attacked but I didn’t know by who. We couldn’t get through on the Internet-all of the sites were bogged down with traffic. We weren't allowed to have radios on our desks, but fortunately one of the IT guys had one in his office and would come in and update us. My sister, who lived near Philly at the time, emailed me telling me I should leave and to not take the interstates. Our HR manager came out and said we could go home if we wanted to and I called Michael (we had carpooled) to come get me. I was concerned about him driving (what if I was sending him to his death?) and I was scared. Everyone was, I think. No one knew what was happening.

It took us two hours to get home (normally a 45 minute drive). It seemed that we were moving in slow motion. We listened to the news all the way home. We turned into a residential area and I saw people outside jogging-I remember wanting to roll down my window and scream at them to go home and turn on the news.

We finally got home and immediately turned on CNN.

As we approached this anniversary, I found that I already had forgotten so much about that day and I wanted to remember as much as possible and write it down. My story isn't tragic. It probably isn't even interesting. I didn’t know anyone on the planes or in the buildings. I don’t even know anyone who lost someone in the September 11th attacks. But I know that when I think about the people on the planes and in the buildings, what might have gone through their minds…how the parents must have realized their children would grow up without them there to see, that spouses were not able to say good bye to each other, how the children on the plane going to California with their teacher (they left from Dulles! Just five minutes from where I lived!) must have been so scared…I know I can’t stand it. And admittedly, I try not to think about it.

I imagined my mix as a timeline covering the past 5 years. I’m not sure how we got from September 11th to a war in Iraq. I’m still waiting for that explanation. No matter what my government tells me, it seems we have lost sight of something. I’m not even sure what it might be.

Where appropriate, I mentioned why I included a song or a line I think captures my feelings about 9/11.

The Man Comes Around-Johnny Cash. I’m not sure why, but this song had to be on the mix and it had to be the first song. Could it be the references to Christianity? The Apocalype? Not sure. Just seemed right.

Fairytale of New York-The Pogues. When I think of New York City, I think of this song. While it’s not necessarily the happiest song, but represents to me everything I have heard New York, and really the United States, is supposed to be about-opportunity and hope. “...you took my dreams from me when I first found you.” “I kept them with me babe-I put them with my own-Can’t make it alone-I built my dreams around you.”

Marching the Hate Machines (into the Sun)-Thievery Corporation & The Flaming Lips. If I were making a movie, this song would play as the terrorists boarding the planes. I couldn’t tell you what the song is really about. “Well lets start by making it clear who is the enemy here. And we’ll show them that its not them who is superior.”

Sorrow-Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard. Took this from the Gladiator soundtrack. I’m not actually fond of the movie, but this song is absolutely moving. In my "timeline" this song is the moment the passengers on the planes realized what was happening. It hurts to listen to it.

Mr Ambulance Driver-The Flaming Lips . I included this as a nod to the first responders. “Mr Ambulance Driver tell me for everyone that dies, someone new is born.”

While You Were Sleeping-Elvis Perkins. This is the hardest song for me to listen to, but I find lately I can’t stop. My sister-in-law has fabulous taste in music and introduced us to this songwriter, whose dad is Anthony Perkins and whose mother was on one of the planes on 9/11. "Were you falling? Were you flying? Were you calling out? Were you dying?"

The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song-The Flaming Lips. I truly hate having two songs by the same band on the same mix tape. But it was hard to ignore this song and I had to have Mr Ambulance Driver too. “And so we cannot know ourselves or what we’d really do with all your power.” When I decided to include this song, I thought the photo of Bush right after he had been told about the World Trade Center-what I originally saw as shock I now recognize as helplessness. I know this because I saw it again in the photos taken of him flying over the Gulf after Katrina.


President Bush Invokes Presidential Super Powers-Onion Radio News. This mix topic is so heavy I decided to sprinkle these bits throughout my mix. Both because I found them relevant and funny and also as a commentary on how the news media has transformed over the past five years.

War-Bruce Springsteen. My parents, namely my father, raised my sister and I on classic rock ‘n’ roll. I like the original better but I appreciate The Boss’s intro on this version. When I was a kid, I listened to this song and Springsteen’s introduction, understanding what he was saying but never really thinking it would be relevant to me. Well. I’ll be damned. “War, good God, what is it good for?”

President (reggae version)-Wyclef Jean. When I picked this song, I couldn‘t get the Daily Show‘s “Decider“ cartoons out of my head. I consider this a companion piece to The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song-about the decisions people in power make and the implications of those decisions. “Instead of spending billions on the war, I could use that money to feed the poor.”

The War-Bill Hicks. This but was done by the late, great Bill Hicks in reference to Bush Sr and the first Iraq war. Creepy, isn’t it?

Battle Without Honor or Humanity-'Nuff said

New Bill Will Send Illegal Immigrants to Iraq-Onion Radio News

All Along the Watchtower-Jimi Hendrix. The quintessential war song. “There must be some kind of way outta here,” said the Joker to the Thief.” I imagine this is how in-depth Bush’s discussions with his Cabinet gets when they discuss the war. Just not sure if he is the Joker or the Thief.

Shadow Government Attracts Shadow Protestors-Onion Radio News

mother-Pink Floyd. “Mother should I trust the government?” Again, ‘nuff said.

Grief Counselors Flown Over Guantanamo Bay-Onion Radio News

Everything is Wrong-Moby Title says it all.

How It Ends-Devotchka. I wanted to wind the mix down with this song, because it is as close to a modern-day dirge as I could get. The singer’s voice is thoroughly sorrowful and mournful. In all of the anger, disbelief, and frustration I feel because of 9/11, the events which have followed, my government’s ineptitude, and the apathy of my fellow citizens (and myself?), I tend to forget? ignore? the real horror of 9/11. So I included this song to remember that no matter what has occurred since, people lost their lives on 9/11, the people who loved them lost a part of their lives, and everyone else’s lives have changed as well. I offer this song up as a dirge for that loss.

God Moving Over the Face of the World-Moby. I’m not sure what the future holds for us as a country and a species but I imagine this as the soundtrack for what's to come.