Updates

Weight loss update...

I think my scale is possessed. One moment I am 145.6 and the next 147. Same thing happens to Mike. I shall call the scale, Pazuzu, Demon of Low Self-Esteem.

So many updates for my wine-addled brain (YES GRANDMA I DRINK WINE):

Speaking of G, Happy 85th to my favorite grandma! I called her yesterday to wish her a Happy Birthday and listened to G praising all of the people in her life she was thankful for-my cousin Tracy, my mother, me and Kelly. How nice of her.

Then she asked me to send her more "blobs" because she "loves them so." Hence, this submission.

On the school front...

I showed my students porn today. No, not really, but I am sure someone out there will think so. I was trying to keep them busy while the teacher was making copies. So I decided to show them Roman statues, since I had recently taught a lesson on Rome. Couldn't figure out why they thought the statue of Augustus was so funny. Turns out Augustus had some buddies on page 246 who were feeling a bit chilly, if you know what I mean. Thinking quickly, I flipped to the Egyptian section of my art history book. Looking at the pictures and hearing more giggling in the background, my brain screamed "ABORT! ABORT!" Flip, flip, flip-Greek art? Hell, no! Chinese? Maybe. Byzantine? Ah, the conservatives couldn't complain about that. It's nothing but the Madonna with her shiny, shiny Baby who can turn water into wine. Why couldn't I have given birth to a kid like that?

I found out today none of my students had ever heard of Adolf Hitler. Yikes...

Speaking of Maddy...

She is adorably cute and learning new words every minutes. I had read through my studies that at this age, kids start learning 2 words per waking hour. I have been trying to teach her to say "doh!" and slap her head at the same time. She seems to think it is fun.

I have been watching "Scrubs" constantly, catching up and jumping seasons. One moment, Jordan is pregnant, the next her kid is 3 years old. Normally this would bother me, but right now-it just makes me laugh.

I am at the midpoint for my semester next week. I have midterms, a professional licensure exam, and will be switching to a high school. Eep.

Michael was depressed today so I made him his favorite meal-Tuscan Meatballs and bought him some Ben & Jerry's.

Um, that's all I can think of fer now...

Oh, no. Not again.

 

Excellent!

I love classic pinups...

Snagged from Renee...

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Mr. Plow Strikes Again

See what the plowman left for us? By the way, since it was all of FOURTEEN degrees today, this was frozen solid.



This is what was at the end of the street-we were boxed in.




Oh, Mom, by the way-rock salt wasn't doing much for us. That's the blue stuff you see by the tire.

Things I Learned This Week

1) One cannot whip half & half into whipped cream.

2) Rock salt does not taste good.

3) Ice sucks.

4) 5 inches of ice really, really sucks.

5) A rake makes a nice ice pick.

6) Using a rake as an ice pick causes chunks of ice and rock salt to fly in the air, which in turn will fly down your pants. This is not a pleasant feeling.

7) I can lob basketball-sized chunks of ice pretty far. Must have been from throwing shot in high school.

8) Tennis shoes are not very good for walking on ice.

9) 14 degree weather is pretty cold.

10) I should move somewhere warmer. Or at least, stop asking Michael to move to Maine.

Valentine's Day Massacre

I despise Valentine's Day. Right after New Year's, we are subjected to ads proclaiming that jewelry is the only way to earn "Her Love." Diamonds, gold...anything less, and you are the scum of the earth.

For one, I don't wear jewelry. Can't stand it. Don't even wear a wedding ring.

Two, I can't fathom the thought that one must follow a script in order to win someone's heart.

Today, Michael and I did not exchange cards. Didn't feel that Hallmark needed the profit for their canned sentiments.

I did not get a box of generic and generally foul-tasting chocolates. Neither did Michael. Instead, I made his one of his favorite desserts-White Russian Cupcakes. And right now, he is making one of mine-chocolate-covered strawberries. Both are inexpensive, but heart-felt because there is work involved and it shows that we are thoughtful of one another.

No presents. Just perfect.

In fact, because of the snow day and the fact we all got to spend the day together at home, it was probably the best Valentine's Day ever.

We started watching Scrubs on the recommendation of Kelly. Genius.

And this is the best thing I have heard all day.

Hmmm....And Why is There a Teacher Shortage?

This is appalling.

Even if prosecutors can prove that this woman maliciously exposed children to a few minutes of pornography in the school, how are they going to prove that this case was worth the time, money, and effort that has been wasted thus far?

Truly, these kids won't be that scarred for life.

I have been scouring the Internet at school looking for resources on the American Revolution with popup blockers, adware & spyware programs, "safesearches" and the like, and I still get questionable images showing up on the computer.

Honestly, if these kids can survive the school cafeteria, they can survive anything. Due to the snow storm, we had an "early dismissal" today. Which means that we had four students in the morning for about 90 minutes and plenty of time to kill. So we volunteered to work in the school cafeteria since none of the cafeteria helpers showed up. So yes, that was me in the corner, yelling at kids to not run in the cafeteria, breaking up mini-fights, opening pudding cups, and wiping down tables. What fun. I had forgotten how formidable elementary school cafeterias (cafeteriae?) were. And the smell of pizza and broccoli...ugh.

But still, it was better than sitting in the classroom, checking out the Internet and fearing that I may be prosecuted and sent to jail for 40 years if I went to whitehouse.com instead of .gov.

Grrrrr.

Just a Reminder, Folks...

That although its FRAKKIN' cold outside, Spring is just around the corner. I pulled this beautiful photo of my garden just to remind myself that it will not be 12 degrees forever.

Speaking of change, I realize I have not published a Weight Loss Update recently. Things have been hectic lately-I have been stressed-and I haven't been able to go to the gym as much. Last time I checked (sometime last week), I was holding steady at around 145 and Mike was still at 202. After the Super Bowl and the purchase of some ice cream and beer, I'm not sure if that is still the case.

Plus, it has been too cold to go outside. Bleah.

I will get my act together and get back in the swing of things though. As God is my witness....

Neat-O

I made up a recipe!

Brrrrr

"Brrrr" was a vocabulary word last week for my 1st graders. Michael argued that it was not actually a word, but today has convinced me that whatever you want to call it, the first graders definitely needed to become acquainted with it.

My computer weather notification is flashing red at me-apparently, it's 11 degrees. With the wind chill factored in, it's 0. I think this means we have officially ceased to exist.

My mother casually e-mails me to see if its cold here. Mind you, she's in Florida. Its 60 degrees there right now.

Grrrrrr...

I mean, brrrrr...

Tonight, it is going down to 4. I considered e-mailing The Weather Channel to see if that was a typo. Perhaps they left out a 3 or a 5. It can go on either side of the 4-I'm not picky. I just think there should at least be two numbers.

I know, I know. It's 30 below in some parts of the country and, as my dad would say, I should quit my bitchin'. But he's in Florida, so why should I care what he would say?

:Þ

Speaking of bitchin,' here's two articles for you to chew on:

Article 1

Article 2

This really riles me. Now first, keep in mind that Texas law allows parents to excuse themselves from mandatory vaccination based on religious reasons. Hey, if you are overly optimistic about your kid's immunity to disease, do your child the disservice. But really-parents who are concerned that vaccination might influence kids to have premarital sex have two problems-one, they apparently do not have a very good influence over their own children. Two, they seem to think that after marriage, there is a 0% chance of a woman catching an STD. Sure, their child might be the most pure, wonderful, innocent Jesus-like person walking the face of the planet, but how can they be 100% sure that child's future spouse will be too? Darwin at work, I guess.

Give it a break, people. Quitcher bitchin'.

Let's take this reaction to this vaccine further-there are the same people that would be protesting a vaccination/cure for AIDS. They would rather see people die than have premarital sex.

I'll repeat that-they would rather people die, suffer, have their children and loved ones endure loss-when it could have all been avoided-simply because they are afraid of sex.

Speaking of idiots-

Congrats to the Colts for stomping the Bears during the Superbowl. I don't really care about either team, but since I find Peyton Manning incredibly annoying, I was going to cheer for the Bears. Then I saw this and decides to cheer for the Colts just to piss these bastards off.

Maddy Update

She can now say "Rory/Aurora" and "book."

She can also give a hug and a kiss on demand. But she doesn't quite understand kisses. She kinda just very slowly leans toward you making a "kissing" sound.

Michael

I have known Michael for over ten years now.

We have been married for over five years now.

But I realize now that I don't know as much about him as I thought.

Over the past two weeks, he has gleefully made me watch Jackass 1 & 2.

Oh! So much vomiting...

But the kicker came during a scene where they were skateboarding on a ramp and people were throwing bags laden with weights at the skateboarders.

Michael said it looked like "fun."

...?

What happened to the guy I married?